Jay Leno:
"Welcome to the Tonight Show. Thank you. You sound like Hillary Clinton when she heard that John Kerry had lost."
Jay Leno:
"This has not been a good 24 hours if you're a gay John Kerry supporter who planned to get married this weekend."
Jay Leno:
"And so much for the debates, huh? Bush is going, 'I prepared too much.'"
Jay Leno:
"John Kerry conceded today. He would have conceded earlier in the day, but he had to meet with the French, the Germans and Russians first. Get their feeling on the whole situation."
David Letterman:
"Dick Cheney is thrilled. Today he was wearing his happy sneer."
David Letterman:
"Don't kid yourself, John Kerry now is in big trouble, he really, really, really has to do well in tonight's debate, or that's it."
David Letterman:
"Kerry did say he was sorry that he lost the election because he was looking forward to spending less time with his wife."
Conan O'Brien:
"Political experts said that this year's Florida was Ohio. As a result, this years spring break is expected to suck."
Conan O'Brien:
"Marion Barry was elected overwhelmingly as a city councilman in Washington, DC. After hearing this Marion Barry said, 'Wait, aren't I the same guy that was caught smoking crack?!'"
