Jay Leno:
"John Edwards versus Dick Cheney – the silver tongued devil versus. . .the devil."
Jay Leno:
"Doesn't John Edwards look like the guy inside the picture frame when you buy it in the stores?"
Jay Leno:
"And doesn't Dick Cheney look like the guy whose picture you actually put in the frame when you get it home?"
Jay Leno:
"Tomorrow is the second presidential debate, or as the Republicans are calling it, 'Fear Factor!'"
Jay Leno:
"Tomorrow night's debate in St. Louis will be before an audience made up entirely of undecided voters, which creates a huge dilemma for John Kerry. Does he sit on the stage beside President Bush, or does he sit in the audience with all of the other people who can't make up their minds?"
Jay Leno:
"A little trouble for President Bush today during his debate preparations. They asked him about his plans for dealing with Hamas, and he said, 'They are fine with me, as long as they don't try to get married.'"
Jay Leno:
"A group of porn stars has made a DVD called 'Porn Stars for Kerry.' . . . They made a porno movie to raise money for him. Let's just hope this one doesn't feature Michael Moore."
David Letterman:
"On Friday, it's their first free election in Afghanistan. This is a very big thing. However, they're expecting voter fraud, disruption at the polls and intimidation of voters. So I guess the American style of democracy is really catching on over there, isn't it?"
Conan O'Brien:
"Tomorrow night, President Bush and John Kerry will hold their second presidential debate on TV. Or as most Americans call it, game three between the Yankees and the Twins."
