Jay Leno:
"Last night they had the big vice presidential debate between Dick Cheney and John Edwards. The CEO versus the trial lawyer. Or as I call it, 'The Shark Tale.'"
Jay Leno:
"Some people say John Edwards won the debate. Some people say Dick Cheney won the debate. I think most people say, who cares. It's the vice president."
Jay Leno:
"How do you argue your qualifications to be the vice president? 'You know, if you need someone to run this country, I'm the second best man for the job.'"
Jay Leno:
"During the debate, President Bush is in the Oval Office with the TV on. He was cheering, screaming, jumping up and down. He was watching the Yankee game."
David Letterman:
"Edwards and Cheney sitting there together at the desk, sitting there together, they looked like the dinner theater production of Tuesdays with Morrie."
David Letterman:
"I don't know if you heard about this, the evening ended badly for Edwards. Right after the debate he was roughed up in the parking lot by Cheney's lesbian daughter."
Conan O'Brien:
"During the debate, John Edwards accused Dick Cheney of 'not being straight with the American people.' That's what he said. Yeah, and apparently, Cheney misunderstood, 'cause he started yelling, 'Who you callin' gay?'"
Conan O'Brien:
"During last night's debate, there were four reporters for every person in the audience. Yeah, not only that, there were four paramedics for every Dick Cheney."
