Jay Leno had the political humor field to himself last night, and he focused on CBS' document woes, President Bush's National Guard record, and the state of the Kerry campaign.
Jay Leno:
"All the new shows coming out. CBS has a new news magazine coming out. It's called 'Dan Rather's Believe It Or Not.'"
Jay Leno:
"As you know, CBS, which stands for 'Can't Believe Story. . .'"
Jay Leno:
"On Nightline, Ted Koppel said, 'If the Kerry campaign had put this stuff out, it would be unbelievable stupid. It would be the stupidest thing.' You know what that means? Oh, my God, Bush could be the smart one."
Jay Leno:
"President Bush addressed the National Guard troops at the National Guard Association in Las Vegas. President Bush told the troops that he's proud of his time in the National Guard. He said it was the best weekend of his life."
Jay Leno:
"He refused to answer any questions about his own military service. He said, 'Hey, what happens in the National Guard, stays in the National Guard.'"
Jay Leno:
"He did tell the group, 'Hey, if I knew the National Guard met in Vegas all the time, I would have showed up more often.'"
Jay Leno:
Kitty Kelley "says in her book that George Bush once belonged to a whites-only private club. Well, yeah, it's called the Republican Party."
Jay Leno:
"And John Kerry campaigned in Wisconsin today. It was reported he had a big cheese head on. It turned out, no, that was his actual head."
Jay Leno:
"In an interview in Harper's Bazaar magazine, Teresa Heinz Kerry says she doesn't much care for the title 'First Lady.' Well, the way the campaign is going, I think she'll be okay."
