CBS' National Guard documents, the Kerry campaign, and Vice President Cheney were the main targets of the late night talk show comedians' monologues on Friday Night.
Jay Leno:
"Thank you for coming out on such a hot day. . . . I was sweating like Dan Rather checking for forged documents."
Jay Leno:
"There are rumors that the documents" from CBS' 60 Minutes "could be forgeries. Of course Bush is stunned. He said, 'What? You mean I did show up for duty?'"
Jay Leno:
"John Kerry unveiled his new campaign slogan. It's, 'Undecided voters, I'm just like you.'"
Jay Leno:
"John Kerry is behind President Bush in the polls. Things don't look good. In fact, today Ralph Nader asked Kerry to drop out."
Jay Leno:
Ralph Nader is "down to 1%. 1%. He is now trailing Scott Peterson. Okay?"
Jay Leno:
On MSNBC, "one of the commentators said that John Kerry seems to be a man who likes himself. Well, you know what they say, opposites attract."
Jay Leno:
"Bill Clinton and John Kerry had another long telephone conversation last night. Kerry said they did not talk about the campaign. I guess they were both too embarrassed to bring it up."
David Letterman:
"The political pundits are saying that President Bush has made gains in two key states. Dazed and confused."
Conan O'Brien:
"Vice President Dick Cheney denied he said that if John Kerry were elected, the US would have a terrorist attack. Yeah, Cheney explained, 'What I actually said was that if Kerry were elected, I would have a heart attack.'"
