With the presidential race providing the late night talk shows with a growing number of topics, the joke writers focused on Bush's National Guard records, Clinton's surgery, and the ailing Kerry campaign.
Jay Leno:
"Today it was so hot. . .I was sweating like President Bush when he heard they found his National Guard records."
Jay Leno:
"It was so hot, I was sweating like Hillary Clinton looking for Bill's life insurance policy."
Jay Leno:
"I guess the Kerry campaign, they're experimenting with new slogans. Have you heard the latest one? . . . 'Did somebody say Vietnam?'"
Jay Leno:
"An official of the US State Department said today the US is close to capturing Osama bin Laden. We'd be even closer if Bush were behind in the polls."
Jay Leno:
"In South Carolina yesterday, a masked man held up a bank using a rusty pitchfork. I think Zell Miller is starting to lose it."
David Letterman:
"Pundits are saying that Kerry's message is garbled. . . . You know you're doing badly when you're running against Bush and you're the one that is garbled."
David Letterman:
"Former President Bill Clinton is wide awake and alert, ladies and gentlemen. Wide awake and alert. I wish we could say the same for our current President."
David Letterman:
"For 73 minutes during the surgery, Clinton had no pulse, no heart beat, just like the Kerry campaign."
Conan O'Brien:
"During a speech yesterday, Dick Cheney said if John Kerry is elected president, America will face another attack. That's what he said, yeah. Then Cheney said, 'But if Bush wins, I'll call it off.'"
