The Republican convention was the predominant target of the late night comedians last night, but John Kerry also was the subject of some of their barbs.
Jay Leno:
"Another 100 degree day here. I was sweating like John Kerry looking at my latest poll numbers. That's how hot it is."
Jay Leno:
"It was so hot, I was sweating like President Bush trying to make up my mind on the war on terrorism."
Jay Leno:
"On NBC, President Bush said about the war on terrorism, 'I don't think you can win it.' And yesterday he said at the rally, 'We will win it.' And of course, John Kerry's furious. Now Bush is beating him at flip-flopping."
Jay Leno:
"Just before his appearance last night, he pumped himself up for the speech. Did you see that? Arnold Schwarzenegger bench pressed Michael Moore."
Jay Leno:
"Republicans went from Arnold Schwarzenegger last night to Dick Cheney tonight. You know what this is like? Arnold's like the picture in the dating service ads, and Dick's the guy that shows up."
Jay Leno:
"John Kerry keeping the low profile this week. He said he wanted to get away, he wanted to go somewhere where no one would ever expect to see him. So I guess he showed up at his old seat in the Senate."
Jay Leno:
"Al Gore, got a speeding ticket in Oregon last week, cited for going nowhere fast."
David Letterman:
"We're getting ready for our third hurricane, and John Kerry heard this and he says it is proof that George Bush is losing the war on weather."
David Letterman:
"The Log Cabin Republicans were at the convention. . . . They hate Hillary Clinton but they love what she's done with her hair."
Conan O'Brien:
"Earlier this week, the Republican Party held a reception for black Republicans. Yeah, apparently, the reception was a big success. They both showed up."
