Words to Live By
Ministers on their support of birth control: "Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion."
A minister's view of evolution: "I don't understand evolution. If we came from monkeys, why are there still monkeys? Why couldn't they make it over the hump?"
The public on the age of technology: "I shop at a computer store called 'Your Crap Is Already Obsolete.'"
The public on cynicism about the police: "We live in an age where pizza gets to your home before the police." And a recent police study found that "you are much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run."
Advice on life: "The definition of old is always 15 years from now." "You know you are getting old when you walk at the cemetery and two guys run after you with a shovel."
Middle age: "when your age is starting to show around the middle."
On dating: "Men always say the most important thing in a woman is her sense of humor. Do you know what that means? They are looking for someone to laugh at their jokes."
On life: "People who live in glass houses might as well answer the door."
On ethnic traditions: "My mother is a typical Jewish mother; they sent her home from jury duty when she insisted she was guilty."
On the work ethic: "Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough not to quit."
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