Words to Live By
Here are my fantasies about what was said over the New Year's holiday, with inadequate acknowledgments to various contributors, some of whose words I adapted a bit:
President Bush on the need for America to hang tough in Iraq: "They call you stubborn when you fail but persistent when you succeed."
Vice President Dick Cheney on hanging tough in Washington: "It is only when the tide goes out that you can see who has been swimming without a bathing suit."
Karl Rove on hanging tough in politics: "May everybody vote for Bush--and for those who don't, may God turn their hearts; and for those whose hearts are not turned, may God turn their ankles so we will know who they are."
Bush rationalizing pre-emptive war by quoting Winston Churchill: "The Sermon on the Mount was the last word in Christian ethics . . . . Still, it is not in these terms that leaders assume their responsibilities of guiding states. Their duty is first to deal with other nations so as to avoid strife and war and to eschew aggression . . . but there is no merit in putting off war for a year if, when it comes, it is a far worse war or one harder to win."
Attorney General Alberto Gonzales on hanging tough with the press on national security issues: "By increasing the size of the keyhole, you are in danger of doing away with the door."
Republicans on Democratic House Leader Nancy Pelosi: "She enjoys predicting the imminent collapse of our effort in Iraq and is prepared to play a part, any part, in its failure--except that of a mute."
The outspoken Sen. Ted Stevens of Alaska, being tough on Sen. Joseph Biden: "He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man in the Senate."
Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist on visiting a sick Senate colleague to cheer him up: "The Senate passed a special resolution to wish you a speedy recovery--it passed 51 to 48."
Republican National Committee Chairman Ken Mehlman on the Democrats: "I like them a lot. Indeed, I would trust them with anything--except public office."
Sen. John McCain on the Washington lobbying scandal: "Washington politics is give-and-take. These people just didn't know which was which."
The media on the Washington lobbying scandal: "Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. These days it bears a very close resemblance to the first."
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice: "Political agreements close chapters of the past. Economic agreements open chapters in the future."
New York's Mayor Michael Bloomberg on the illegal strike by the transportation workers' union: "Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."
Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton on running for the presidency: "Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome."
Rush Limbaugh on American attitudes: "The average American boos the losers; the left-wing elites boo the winners."
Former CIA Director George Tenet on criticism of his leadership of the intelligence community: "Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't."
advertisement
