A Mother's Diary: 'Where There Is Dark, There Is Always Light'
Many of the parents with children there also didn't know what to do–should we go, should we not–can we even get there? Do they need us and just afraid to say so–these part children; part adults–how do we be there for them when you can't scoop them up on your lap anymore? And what about the parents who had not heard from their kids.
When she finally called me this morning asking me to come get her I felt a sense of relief. I knew what I had to do. She wanted to "come home"–but mostly because she had learned about a friend she knew from high school that was killed in the carnage and another who was injured. She is 19 years old but always a child to me.
––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
4/17 – Its a very strange time. On the one hand I am thanking God (profusely) that she is okay–but it was too close for comfort–and on the other–its almost like survivor guilt–I don't know how to explain it–I can hardly think about the families who lost their kids in such a senseless, senseless act.
Unfortunately Nicole knew two of the kids fairly well–she went to high school with both of them–one was in the theatre group she hung out with and the other she played basketball with from day one of freshmen year she knew her and hung out at her house.
Her emotions are all over the place–she isn't sure what to feel but she has good coping mechanisms and so many, many friends. She told me how proud she is of her school and how she loves it even more now. I was there today when the convocation let out and I could not believe the sea of kids all in their maroon and orange t-shirts. There must have been 20,000 or more. Plus news media crawling all over the place and hundred and hundreds of state police. It seems really ironic that in that whole sea of tens of thousands she would know two–and two would have come from where she graduated–and the shooter from the same school as well.
It makes you think there is a higher plan ...
Also–the campus was remarkably beautiful today. Crisp blue sky punctuated by fluffy white clouds–the green trees and grass set against the white "hokie" stone. There seemed to be a calm–such an idyllic place for such ugliness to occur.
Okay I got off on a tangent but its really hard to not think what this means beyond what just happened.
And for sure it makes you realize how random what happens to whom can sometimes appear. And really, really, really count your blessings especially the main one.
––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
4/18 – its hitting me this a.m.–I feel like a bullet grazed Nicole and how thankful I am she is in her bed upstairs but I feel for the parents whose children aren't. We can't protect them and that is really, really scary. I guess I am more scared now about that. And you know as moms our strength kicks in for them–we stand tall so they can weep. But sometimes we need to fall apart too.
advertisement
