The new way to divorce: splitting up without a judge
On how long the process typically takes and costs.
Ousky: The average is four to eight months and about six or seven meetings.
Webb: By the fourth meeting, they're usually saying, "We can work on this."
Ousky: We bill the same way other lawyers do but with a lower retainer–trial lawyers might charge a $5,000 to $10,000 retainer; we might charge $1,200 to $1,500.
On who may not be suited to the method and whether they've ever had a reconciliation at the table.
Webb: If you get a CEO-Type-A person, they might get about a quarter into the process and say, "This is ridiculous. I'll make her an offer sometime, and she'll accept it or not–I'm out." You can't do anything about that. And in some cases, you get to the end, and you're stuck with one issue–usually spousal maintenance. Then we're faced with having to help them find some way so they don't have to start all over.
Ousky: We've had about six reconciliations in the last 12 to 18 months. Sometimes when they sit down and communicate, stabilize the finances, they think, "Boy, we can do this," and maybe go back and work on stuff.
On why the method, which seems so logical and humane, has taken so long to emerge as a popular alternative.
Webb: Isn't that interesting? When I made the decision to do it, the little voice in my head said, "What kind of a wimp are you?" There's that thing in our culture of win-lose. Lots of trial lawyers have pretty high egos. I call this a paradigm shift. When I do training, the most important thing is to have the lawyer make the shift from litigation. They have to drop everything they've learned in litigation and come back to who they are.
Ousky: Most family law attorneys are frustrated with the system, the inability to get the results they want, and the damage that is caused to the children. Lawyers have been looking for a different way, and mediation didn't quite get us there. In many ways, this is harder than trial work–it takes a higher level of skill, but it's ultimately more rewarding.
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