The American Uncivil Wars
How crude, rude and obnoxious behavior has replaced good manners and why that hurts our politics and culture
ETIQUETTE If the content of civility is respect, then its form might be manners, say those like Marjabelle Young Stewart, who specializes in trying to improve them. Saying "please" and "thank you," opening doors for others and allowing an elderly person to have your seat on the bus may seem like little things, but they amount to a physical recognition of the dignity of the other person, says Stewart.
Surprisingly, etiquette seems to be making a comeback, as books like Executive Etiquette, Multicultural Manners, Do As I Say (gay etiquette) and old standards like the Miss Manners guide proliferate on shelves. Stewart herself is a popular evangelist. For the first time since the 1960s her schedule is now booked years in advance. One client is Associated Employers, an Illinois-based employers' association representing 196 companies and around 60,000 employees in the Quad Cities region. Five years ago, AE invited Stewart to give a lecture on table manners. The event was so popular that it has become an annual event.
At AT&T offices in New Jersey, after years of more casual dress and behavior inspired by cultural trends of the 1960s and 1970s, manners have become a priority, too. Executives at the company have received training from Stewart in recent years, as have executives at Merrill Lynch. "Manners are the new status accessory," Stewart tells her students, "pricier than a Rolex, more portable than a Day-Timer, and shinier than handmade shoes. Polished graces can get you where you're going faster than a speeding BMW."
There are those, however, who argue that civility can be overrated. As civil-society advocate Amitai Etzioni points out, even if people treat each other with respect across the table, they must still resolve differences that go far beyond civil discourse and behavior. Matters of sexual and racial equality, unemployment, health care, religious belief and hatred may remain intransigent, as they have in the past, no matter how respectful people are to one another.
But back in Montgomery, Walcott believes civility does affect the larger questions. "Incivility makes a bad situation worse," he says. "I believe that two groups who hate one another and may not know why they hate one another, may very well find out that their hatred and suspicion were unfounded when they realize how human each can be to the other."
So, with music, T-shirts, guitars and tokens, Walcott does what he can to spread the word. Still, on a bad day, he says, with a weary glint in his eyes, he feels like Don Quixote tilting at windmills, and most of the time, the windmills do not even say "thank you." This survey, part of a series on Americans' quality of life, found many fear life is getting more vulgar and that ties into bigger problems.
Americans who think incivility: Is a serious problem 89 percent Has worsened in the past 10 years 78 percent
Americans who think that the decline of civility contributes to these problems: Violence 91 percent Divided national community 85 percent Eroding values 84 percent
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