The Rise of the Gay Family
More and more American children are growing up with same-sex parents
Many of today's gay parents, who grew up with few gay-parent role models, say their efforts have helped introduce a culture of family to the gay community. "In the straight community, adoption is a secondary choice," says Rob Calhoun, 35, who adopted a newborn daughter with his partner 20 months ago. "But in the gay community, it's like, 'Wow, you've achieved the ultimate American dream.' "
The dream has not been without cost, though. Gay parents and their kids in many parts of the country frequently meet with friction from the outside world, in the form of scornful family members, insensitive classmates, and laws that treat same-sex parents differently from straight parents. In general, Americans are split on the subject. A national poll this winter found that 45 percent believe gays should have the right to adopt; 47 percent do not.
Many traditional-marriage advocates argue that marriage is first and foremost about procreation. "It is the reason for marriage," Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum said last summer. "Marriage is not about affirming somebody's love for somebody else. It's about uniting together to be open to children." Other critics call gay and lesbian couples who are raising kids--whether from previous marriages, adoption, or artificial insemination--dangerously self-centered. "It's putting adult desires above the interest of children," says Bill Maier, psychologist in residence at Focus on the Family and coauthor of the forthcoming Marriage on Trial: The Case Against Same-Sex Marriage and Parenting. "For the first time in history, we're talking about intentionally creating permanently motherless and fatherless families."
Evidence? Three decades of social science research has supplied some ammunition for both sides of the gay-parent debate. Many researchers say that while children do best with two parents, the stability of the parents' relationship is much more important than their gender. The American Psychological Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the National Association of Social Workers, and the American Bar Association have all released statements condoning gay parenting. "Not a single study has found a difference [between children of gay and straight parents] that you can construe as harmful," says Judith Stacey, a professor of sociology, gender, and sexuality at New York University and a gay-rights advocate.
Stacey and other researchers even suggest that gay and lesbian parents who form families through adoption, artificial insemination, or surrogacy may offer some advantages over straight parents. "In the lesbian and gay community, parents are a self-selecting group whose motivation for parenthood is high," says Charlotte Patterson, a psychologist and researcher at the University of Virginia. But studies on the subject have so far examined relatively few children (fewer than 600, by some counts) and virtually no kids of gay dads.
One study coauthored by Stacey and widely cited by both supporters and opponents of gay parenting found that children of lesbians are more likely to consider homosexual relationships themselves (though no more likely to identify as homosexuals as adults) and less likely to exhibit gender-stereotyped behavior. "If we could break down some of society's gender stereotypes, that would be a good thing," says Ellen Perrin, professor of pediatrics at the Floating Hospital for Children at Tufts-New England Medical Center. Focus on the Family's Maier disagrees: "They don't have rigid gender stereotypes? That's gender identity confusion."
advertisement
