A certain kind of rage
'Air Guitar'
Last Friday, Jayson Blair, the disgraced former New York Times reporter, spoke with U.S. News Senior Editor Julian E. Barnes, a former colleague, about the resignations of Howell Raines and Gerald Boyd, as well as about his own deceptions and ethical lapses.
On race and the newsroom:
I believe my own demons would have caught up with me regardless of my race and regardless of whether I worked at the Times. [The Times ] just quickened things. . . . I think it is fair to say, from my perspective, racism had more of a role in my career than racial preferences. But the role of racism in my career, not in my life, has been overplayed. Racism built me into a person that was set up to be self-destructive.
On the origin of his deceptions and borrowed quotes:
What I did was not entirely deliberate and conscious. Some people have made an argument that it was a cancer spreading and I was the first person to die from it. . . . It was obviously wrong . . . [but] I didn't invent the wheel. Somewhere in my head I knew people were getting away with this. . . . By March, I was playing air guitar, and it was all air guitar from there.
On drug and alcohol abuse and depression:
Drugs and alcohol were more a symptom of depression and mania and other psychological problems. I used drugs and alcohol to self-medicate. In January 2002, I cleaned up.
On his career advance under Boyd and Raines:
I felt that Gerald had interest in my career. I saw that Gerald had some influence in my career, but not more than he invested in others. I saw no evidence Howell had special interest in my career.
On the resignations:
I am hurt [that] more people are being consumed by events I set in motion. This has been a painful journey for many people touched by it. I am making amends and seeking forgiveness. My only hope is that some good can come out of my situation. I have lived a life that has been beautiful and painful at some moments. But I am convinced others can learn how to control a certain kind of rage that bubbles up in many Americans, particularly, but not limited to, women, blacks, and other minorities. I had hoped that no one else would suffer. . . . One of the most unfortunate aspects was the loss of the highest-ranking African-American at the Times, and that is a big loss to the industry. -Julian E. Barnes
This story appears in the June 16, 2003 print edition of U.S. News & World Report.
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