Happiness Explained
New science shows how to inject real joy into your life
With age, serenity. Wait around if you must, as some research suggests that people grow happier with age. You don't have the high highs of youth, but neither do you have the low lows. Older people often pursue goals less out of guilt or social pressure and more for their own satisfaction. Also, age often brings wisdom, which adds depth to happiness. You could think of happiness growing out, rather than up.
And yet the stereotype that happy people are shallow persists. "Me being a chronically happy person doesn't mean that I haven't had some real down spells," says Lars Thorn, 24, who works in marketing in Manchester, Vt. During a difficult breakup, he told a friend he was feeling terrible. "And she said, `Oh, no you're not--you're Lars!' " he recalls. "I was perceived as being a cardboard cutout of a person with no real emotion." But new research suggests happy people may be more realistic than unhappy folks. Psychologist Lisa Aspinwall of the University of Utah finds that optimists are more open to negative information about themselves than pessimists. Positive mood gives them the resources to process bad news. Optimists are also more likely to accept what they cannot change and move on, says Aspinwall. Indeed, she says, they have an intuitive grasp of the Serenity Prayer, which asks for the wisdom to know the difference between what one can and cannot change.
There's no disputing that positive psychology's findings echo the exhortations of ancient wisdom, and let's face it--Oprah. Be grateful and kind and true to yourself. Find meaning in life. Seek silver linings. But then, what did you expect--be mean to children and animals?
So are people just not listening to their grandmothers and gurus? Psychologist Laura King of the University of Missouri has found that people at least say they know these things and consistently rate meaning and happiness above money. But in a study with colleague Christie Scollon, she found that people were all for meaning, yet most said they didn't want to work for it. Other evidence echoes her findings: People say one thing but do another. "One of the problems," says King, "might be that people don't understand that lives of happiness and meaning probably involve some hard work."
Will people work to learn happiness? Positive psychologists think that if they can tease out the best in people, happiness will follow. To Seligman, happiness is "the emotion that arises when we do something that stems from our strengths and virtues." And those, anyone can cultivate. "There's no set point for honesty," he says. The idea that happiness is the sum of what's best in people may sound suspiciously simple, but it's a whole lot easier than finding that happy man's shirt.
Contentment
WHAT IT IS: Feeling safe and calm.
WAYS TO GET IT: A friendly, nonthreatening environment is key. If you're not so lucky, relaxation exercises may mimic the body's response to contentment. Rebecca Shaw finds it in marriage to Ray Shaw, and in her two children, Christian, 3, and Sierra, 2--and by not putting up with mean people.
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