Talk to Kids About Drugs? Parents Just Don't Do It
Resist the temptation to lecture. Ask lots of questions, and listen to your child's opinions and feelings. And make sure your kids get the message that you're talking about the topic because you're concerned and you want them to be safe.
Kids may fire back with the dreaded question: "Did you do drugs when you were young?" "No need to let it all hang out," Ciborowski says. Be honest, but don't spell out everything. Stress lessons you learned, and talk about people you knew who had a hard time because they used drugs. "Real stories of people who were separated from their families or had to do jail time are what keep me off drugs," says Thomas Brennan, 16, of New York City.
If there is alcoholism in the family, you need to explain to your children that they are at higher risk, says Sandra Bernabei, a substance abuse specialist at Barnard College. That's what Alex Benson's parents did. "I definitely think about it and it scares me," says the 15-year-old from Springfield, Vt. "My uncle is an alcoholic and I know that one day it could be me."
Bernabei also warns parents not to assume that all kids use drugs. According to the latest findings from the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, 55 percent of high school seniors say they have tried illicit drugs. In the past year, close to 40 percent smoked marijuana, almost 6 percent used inhalants, 8 percent took LSD, 6 percent used cocaine, 1 percent took heroin, and close to 6 percent say they used MDMA, also known as Ecstasy. "The truth is, a minority of kids use drugs or binge drink regularly," Bernabei says.
Conveying the idea that all kids use drugs may make your child feel pressure to join in. And parents aren't the only ones guilty of exaggerating; 25 percent of the teenagers in our poll said most teens use drugs on a regular basis. But only 8 percent said close friends are frequent users.
At the same time, don't assume that your child is not being exposed. According to a new study from researchers at Columbia University, teens in small towns and rural areas are far more likely to use drugs than urban kids. "It's not about boredom, it's about monitoring," says NYU's Gallagher, who explains that rural and small-town kids can find lots of secluded hangouts.
It's also about consequences. When kids say, "My parents will kill me if I use drugs," they really don't know what will happen. Experts advise parents to make it clear that even one infraction will bring a punishment--something with teeth, but still reasonable, like a temporary grounding. If parents learn that a child is using drugs habitually, they need to seek treatment.
Ultimately, your child will decide whether to try drugs, and even the best parents cannot always prevent it. But don't give up. Once Laura Langanki became aware of Jake's drug use she battled back, spending her savings to get him into a residential rehabilitation program. At 18, he just celebrated his 18th month of sobriety. When asked to complete an essay assignment on a significant person in his life, he chose to write about his mom.
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