Talk to Kids About Drugs? Parents Just Don't Do It
When Laura Langanki found extra towels in the laundry smelling lemony fresh, she never dreamed that meant her 13-year-old son was on drugs. "We were going through three to four bottles of air freshener a week," says the 42-year-old nurse from Plymouth, Minn. "Like a fool, I thought my kid was becoming more interested in personal hygiene." Instead, Jake was "huffing"--spraying the contents into towels and inhaling the fumes for a short-lived buzz. By the time she caught on two years later, he was smoking pot, using acid and crystal methamphetamine, drinking alcohol, and snorting cocaine.
Laura had warned Jake not to try illegal drugs when he was younger and felt sure he got the message. But according to a new U.S. News poll, even parents who believe they talk often with their kids about drugs can be mistaken. Of 700 parents and 700 teens surveyed, 1 in 3 parents claimed to talk about drugs "a lot" with his or her teen, while only 14 percent of teenagers felt they had frequent conversations on the subject with Mom or Dad.
That failure to communicate can have dire consequences. In a 1999 survey of nearly 10,000 parents and teens by the Partnership for a Drug-Free America, teens who received antidrug messages at home were 42 percent less likely to use drugs. "This may sound like soft advice," says Steve Dnistrian, executive vice president of the group. "But hard numbers quantify that parental communication is the single most important thing we can do to prevent children from using drugs." Indeed, parents received the highest vote of confidence from 63 percent of the teens polled by U.S. News, outranking siblings, teachers, and friends.
Most teens act as if they would rather clean their room than talk to their parents about touchy subjects like drugs or sex. Don't be deterred, says Rhonda Sykes, associate clinical director for Hazelden Chicago, a drug treatment center for adolescents. "Teens don't say, 'Thanks for the great advice.' But they do hear what their parents are saying."
No butts. Brandi Domiano, a 16-year-old from Old Forge, Pa., who has never tried cigarettes or alcohol, credits her mother for the choices she makes now. "When I was in sixth grade, my mother would talk to me about how bad drinking and smoking are for you," Domiano says. Her mother also gave her books to read about the harmful effects of drugs.
Experts agree conversations about drugs should begin early and continue throughout adolescence. "Start talking about it when the child is around age 8," says Richard Gallagher, director of the Parenting Institute at New York University Child Study Center. Explain the difference between legal drugs prescribed by doctors and illegal drugs used for fun. Let your children know that other kids may offer these substances to them and that you want them to stay away from drugs because of the harmful effects on health and well-being, Gallagher says.
Many parents will have to do homework on the dangers of drugs. "The only thing worse than no information is bad information," says Paul Ciborowski, professor of counseling at Long Island University's C. W. Post campus. Ask youth counselors and teachers which drugs are common at your child's school so you can emphasize the right ones. The Internet can provide research on the ill effects of certain drugs (see www.usnews.com for links).
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