Cadillac Escalade ESV
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| Caddy one-ups itself |
By Richard J. Newman
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NITS: Some of the controls mounted on the steering column are awkward to use. To splash wiper fluid on the windshield, you have to push a tab that's hard to reach from where your hand rests on the steering wheel. Wiper controls also were overly complicated and somewhat hard to operate.
G FORCES: The huge, 6.0-liter V-8 leaves no gaps in the ESV's power and will tow up to 7,400 pounds. But there's little inclination to use that power to sport around town. Handling is Caddyesque, soft and floaty, and the heavy vehicle lumbers into corners in a way that makes you want to keep your foot on the brake, not the gas.
GIZMOLOGY: The dashboard is somewhat cluttered, an occupational hazard for expensive vehicles with lots of features. Still, Cadillac's approach is not as elegant as in other vehicles that, for example, centralize numerous functions in a single digital display. Climate controls were somewhat confusing, with more than one set of buttons for fan settings. One intriguing feature is an on-board computer that lets you customize several different functions, such as how long you want the headlights to stay on after you exit the vehicle, or whether you want the "easy-exit" seat to slide back automatically when you open the door.
KID MARKS: Once kids have scaled the heights to get into the Escalade, it's a delight for them. The second-row bucket seats (a no-charge option in lieu of a three-passenger bench seat) keep two siblings separated, and the pass-through between them makes access to the third row quite easy. A couple of drawbacks: Very heavy doors that can be hard for kids to close, and second-row cup holders that are near the floor, out of reach of kids. And moms should note that the rear liftgate is high and heavy, requiring some genuine muscle to close.
HOT OR NOT? Not. The extra length tends to dilute the Escalade's muscular styling–which is of questionable appeal in the first place. And in the category of design, bigger is rarely better.
ENVIROMETER: The ESV hasn't been rated. The standard Escalade rates either 0 or 1, out of 10, on the EPA's emissions/air pollution scale. Vehicles sold in a handful of states with stricter emissions requirements rate 2 or 3. Mileage ranges from 12 mpg city to 16 mpg highway. Details: http://www.epa.gov/autoemissions/
E-CADILLAC-Escalade-03.htm
CRASHCOURSE: As of March 2003, the Escalade had not been crash-tested by the government or by other organizations. Future crash-test results should be posted at http://www.nhtsa.gov/NCAP/
Cars/2245.html.
PRICE POINTS: Base price is $56,310. Price as tested: $58,765. (All prices include delivery fees.)
MORE INFO: http://www.cadillac.com/cadillacjsp/
models/esv/index.html
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Model year tested: 2003
Neither my stature nor my life is big enough for Cadillac's biggest Escalade. During a week with this four-wheeled freight train, I tried, I really did, to come up with hauling duties and lifestyle events that would justify its massive interior and opulent appointments. But I was a letdown. I don't have friends who are Knicks or Lakers, with arms and legs and egos that could fill such a cavernous vehicle. I tried to dig out some household goods to cart around, but they only seemed to fill a corner of a corner in the back of the supersize SUV. And I didn't have anywhere to go where arriving, in the Sinatra sense, really mattered.
Without a coterie of VIPs or a load of VIC (very important cargo), it is hard to justify such an over-the-top vehicle, especially as the SUV-bashers seem to be gaining momentum. The ESV, which stands for Escalade stretch vehicle, is 22 inches longer than the standard Escalade. It is undeniably comfortable, and it offers all the benefits, real and perceived, of riding over and above other drivers. But around town it is kind of a nuisance, hard to maneuver in parking lots and on narrow roads. It's difficult to see what's behind you when you're backing up, which ought to make parents nervous. It felt downright ostentatious, bordering on ridiculous, when I drove the Escalade to work in Manhattan, during rush hour, by myself, taking up the space of two smaller vehicles and chugging along at about 12 mpg.
Having said all that, however, I will confess to a few Walter Mitty moments when I imagined that Kobe Bryant and I were headed out for a night of clubbing, or that Ashanti had just invited me to drive over and pick up her and a few friends so we could all have dinner at Spago. Suddenly the stretch 'Slade seemed eminently practical. The extra-wide seats, with settings that squeeze your buns or let out the slack, depending on your needs, would keep Kobe and the rest of our entourage quite comfortable. The open seating configuration that you get with the standard third-row seat and the second-row buckets, available in lieu of a bench, would give my Ashanti harem plenty of space to fidget and cavort and reorganize themselves, the way cliques tend to do. The soft leather and multiple air-conditioning vents and heated rear seats would pamper those who needed it. And if anybody felt like bringing along their dogs or their art collection or a stack of amplifiers, we would just load it all in the back.
Cadillac says it has built the extra-stretch version of the Escalade because dealers have said their customers need more space. No kidding–there are people out there for whom a standard Escalade isn't big enough. That may make the stretch Slade the ultimate LUV, or lux utility vehicle. It's size and seating offer about as much functionality as you can get–you can haul an entire basketball team in comfort, or fold down the seats and convert the stretch to a minimoving van. And Cadillac has done a good job overall of upgrading its identity as a luxury brand from the Barcalounger of cars to something approaching genuine refinement. Still, the Escalade ESV is so gaudy that it almost makes me want to stop dreaming of becoming rich and famous.
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