Career Center: Cubicle love: Tips for workplace dating
On Valentine's Day, more workers than ever will be getting flowers or chocolate from someone sitting a few desks away. In a recent survey by vault.com, a jobs and career website, 58 percent of respondents said they had been in an office romance, up 6 percentage points from just two years ago. That's no surprise. With more women in the workplace, and people working longer hours, our officemates have become key members of our social networks.
Disclosure: I have a bias when it comes to office romances–I met my wife at work. And it was a great introduction: Before getting involved, we got to check each other out in real-life situations rather than, for example, peering at each other through the fog of bars and booze.
Unfortunately, the perils of workplace dating are increasing. The definition of sexual harassment continues to broaden, and employers are increasingly wary of sexual discrimination lawsuits. The Vault survey found that 21 percent of employers (probably mostly large corporations) now have dating policies, up from 17 percent just a year ago.
To increase your chances of enjoying romance in the workplace–without getting bitten by something worse than the love bug–consider these tips.
Think twice about a relationship with your supervisor. How would you feel if you and your boss-lover had a blowup last night and had to work together this morning? Or if suspicious coworkers wondered how you earned your promotion? The last thing you want is a reputation as a gold digger trying to sleep your way to the top.
Think 10 times before getting involved with a subordinate. Even if it doesn't violate company policy, problems abound from the start. Someone who works for you, for example, may agree to a date simply out of fear that saying no could be a bad career move. Is that a good basis on which to seek a relationship? And if things go wrong, oy! Jilted workers often claim the boss abused the power relationship, which, in a worst-case scenario, can cost you your job. And even if you dodge that bullet, it won't be fun having to supervise your ex-lover. Just imagine if there were a legitimate reason to fire the person.
Don't create false expectations. If you're looking for a fling, don't make noises about craving a long-term relationship.
Keep your relationship secret as long as possible. Otherwise, coworkers will scrutinize the two of you for any hint that somebody's playing favorites.
Consider signing an office romance "prenup." It might sound corny, but a few ground rules could keep things healthy. Here's a sample of a list of pledges both could sign:
We will each make best efforts to:
- Keep secret our relationship until we both agree it's OK to go public.
- In work matters, treat each other as we would other coworkers.
- Not retaliate if we break up.
Of course, such a pact isn't legally binding, but it's helpful to set up some boundaries early on, when you're both feeling lovey-dovey.
Believe it or not, a few employers have drawn up far more legalistic, highly unromantic love contracts to be filed with the employer. These are designed to minimize the likelihood of running afoul of company policies and sexual harassment and sex discrimination laws. If you must, you must.
Stay professional. Make every effort to treat your lover as you would any other employee. And no smoochy E-mails from the office–remember, management can snoop. And, of course, try to resist the temptation to dive into the supply closet together. That might sound obvious, but the flesh is weak: In the Vault survey, 28 percent of respondents admitted to having had a tryst in the office.
Give each other space. If you're together both in and out of the office, things can get stifling. Allow time apart. Bonus: Maintaining outside interests means that if you break up, you'll still have a life.