Study: Rising Seas Threaten Bangladesh Tigers

Hi. My name is Stan (not my real name) and I am killing Polar Bears and cannot help myself.

That’s how it started. My first meeting with Global Warmers Anonymous (GWA). It was a miserable failure. They tried to tell me about my higher power but when I called they said he had gone to someplace called Copenhagen in his private jet and he hasn’t returned my call. It’s better he doesn’t know what a monster I’ve become.

So there it is, I am a confirmed and hardened Global Warmer. I have a bumper sticker that says “Put the sizzle in Polar Bear Steaks, Support Global Warming”. I eat beef constantly without a thought of bovine farts filling the air. I just learned that exhaling is a major source of greenhouse gas but rather than hold my breath, I continue to have conversations with people who have nothing to say. I just got another bumper sticker that says “Hyperventilate three times a day. Support Global Warming”.

What a wretched human being I’ve become. Oh well, let’s look at the bright side. Seventeen feet of sea level rise seems a small price to pay for January golf in Minnesota. Flooding Manhattan streets can’t do anything but help traffic snarls and import a few hundred gondolas from Venice and who needs a taxi. If losing the first two stories of high rises leaves us cramped, we can always add two more on top of say the Empire State Building or any other structure that is exceeding its rental capacity.

And my self esteem. I could never afford a fancy expensive car but now I am putting fancy expensive gasoline in my old beater.

Just call me incorrigible but never call me late for a trip to McDonald’s.

wmdasco of IL 3:52PM January 22, 2010

Move the Tigers!!!

Robert L. Matarainen of NY 3:24PM January 21, 2010