$1 Million for Romney's Tax Returns? Sure.

September 6, 2012 RSS Feed Print

Elections bring out the best and worst in people. They also bring out the clueless.

First, we have the "Anonymous" (for now) folks who claim to have entered the offices of PriceWaterhouse Coopers and stolen copies of Mitt Romney's tax returns. They have the hostage, but they're willing to negotiate. They want a million bucks from the campaign to keep it quiet. Or, they'll trade the allegedly encrypted documents to anyone else—such as, they helpfully suggest, a media or political party organization—who is willing to pony up the million first. Let the bidding begin! Oh, and they don't want actual cash—they want Internet "Bitcoin."

[See a collection of political cartoons on the 2012 campaign.]

Sure, I'm in. Unfortunately, I'm a little cash-poor right now, since I had to front some money to this poor man in Nigeria—he's a deposed prince; it's a long story, but he can't get access to his billions of dollars and needs me to deal with the money transfer. I've given him all my banking account information and every password I have for every transaction I do, but I'll get the cut from Prince Nnghyruystbia soon, and then I'll have the cash.

Oh, but first, I need to wire some money to some good friends in Spain. See, they went on vacation, and were having this great time, but they got back to their hotel room, and it seems they were robbed! They lost everything—wallets, credit cards, cell phones, passports, driver's licenses, even postcards they could have resold. They can't pay their hotel bill or even recognize themselves in the mirror (since they lost their IDs), so I have to wire cash to the account of this very nice man on the street (I guess he has a bank account but not a phone he could let them use) so they can get home. What a heart-break! But of course, they'll pay me back upon their return.

[See a collection of political cartoons on the Republican Party.]

Then I'll have the million dollars. And sure, I'm not at all worried about opening the flash drive you've created onto my computer. I'm sure it won't do any harm.

Clueless, Part II: It could have been a clever spot, showing a purported 2008 Obama voter (who actually is a GOP staffer) "breaking up" with President Obama. But it just wasn't misogynist enough, the fake dinner scene with an irritating, complaining woman "breaking up" with a cardboard image of the president. Why just turn her into a stereotypical whiny and demanding woman, talking about how much money he spends and how much golf he plays? Really, they missed the mark by not having her cry, announce defensively that she has PMS, then talk about her ticking biological clock while asking why her cardboard boyfriend doesn't buy her jewelry and flowers like her friends' boyfriends do. There's no way that spot was aimed to appeal to female voters, so if you want to go with the insult, why hold back? Clint Eastwood's empty chair would have been a better prop. Though maybe the break-up woman was distracted. She probably was thinking about how she'd get the million dollars for Romney's tax returns.