Coddling Moms Need to Be Tougher With Their Kids

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Susan,
Great piece! Makes me wonder if you've seen my book, Mean Moms Rule: Why Doing the Hard Stuff Now Creates Good Kids Later. This is exactly what I talk about -- we can love our kids to the ends of the earth and back, but if all we do is make them feel as though they're invincible, they're in for a rude awakening. I say, don't childproof the world; WORLDPROOF your child! See more at www.meanmomsrule.com

Denise Schipani of NY 9:53AM May 17, 2012

You do know the world is a mean enough place already without mom being tough. I show my child unconditional love so she knows how she should be treated. If mom isn't nice to you why should you expect anyone else to be

Jamie of NC 11:59AM May 15, 2012

Sue,
Thoughtful article, but are you being truthful with your readers?
I am told by a close friend of your mother that she was a wonderful woman. But, your passed away decades ago in the Buffalo area.
I have started to follow your writing out of personal interest, but wonder, if you take liberties in regard to your mother, how many other liberties you have taken in your writing.
I will continue to read and wish you the best personal and professional success, and hope this is not a regular pattern.

John St. Augustine of NY 9:36AM May 15, 2012

<eye roll at yet another lame article about parenting other peoples kids and not your own> *yawn*

Tiredofit of VA 9:13AM May 15, 2012

Bob of FL
Do try to remember politics DOES NOT APPLY.
SARAH P. did not cause shooting in AZ. A crazy person did. Conservatives are not for dirty water or air, etc...

Bill Hedges of MO 4:05PM May 14, 2012

@kewaal of GA
Liberalism doesn't belong in this scenario.

Bob of FL 3:49PM May 14, 2012

People wonder why we have such well-behaved, confident kids and part of that is we accept no behavior at home that wouldn't stand in public. I see that as a folly for many parents letting their kids have full run of the house then expecting them to be angels in public. Another reason is that we give them reality. We let them know that someone out there is better than you are and I tell my children what I tell students and folks who attend my lectures that I picked up from an old college professor: "Work to your strengths technically." I cultivate my children by helping them identify their strengths and improving on those skills rather than make everything competitive. True, the world is competitive, but it doesn't make you who you are as an individual. They make their own rules and set their own standards/goals.
I am hard when I need to be. I do not like disciplining my children; however, I would be doing them a great disservice if I didn't. I'd be doing them a great disservice if I let them believe that everything is going to be okay all of the time and that they will never fail. I am a big fan of constructive criticism. When I was younger I excelled at pretty much everything I took on. When I was accepted into a residential high school for the arts, I was pretty much given a huge reality check. I fell apart initially. While I was the multi-talented dynamo at my old school, I was one of many here and that took some adjustment on my part and also let me see first hand just how hard and unfair the world could also be, regardless of my talents. I supplemented and turned those negatives into positives even though I did not have the support that I now provide my children. I won't accept any whining or complaints. Critical thinking skills are the norm in my household as I feel that those skills are sorely lacking in society. I will not contribute to that if I can help it.
I refuse to give my children wooden nickels. They are well adjusted and confident because they understand both the negative and the positive sides of situations that they may encounter.

Danielle White of SC 2:39PM May 14, 2012

I over protected my son, and now I have to get tougher to make him stand on his own. I have always made sure he did not do without, but now at 21, after him not studying in college, I have made him get a job and he will be paying for his own tuition from now on. On a similar, but different topic, as a manufacturing manager several years ago I helped set up work teams in a factory. The operators were paid equally by the amount of output as a team. The idea being the workers would do their best for each other, and the lower producers would improve and then output and quality would improve. It seemed to go great for about 3 months, and then the high producers realized the low producers were not doing any better and they were carrying the load. So then the top producers dropped because they were not going to work when they did not get the full gain of their labor, and “the wealth had to be spread around.” Gee, you put the life experience of the way a pampered child turns out, and the way making an individual who is forced to spread the fruits of their labor to other people who did not earn it causes the productive person to lose ambition, and you realize why liberalism totally fails in the real world.

kewaal of GA 1:50PM May 14, 2012

I'M TRULY AMAZED...
We agree on something. Perhaps there is hope for you yet...
You seem as though you'd be a good mother and I hope you are.

R.L. Schaefer of CA 1:09PM May 14, 2012

Wow. Really?
"Father's Day honors men who go out and earn a living for their families. Mothers are celebrated for sacrifice, sublimating every personal and professional ambition they have to give to their children."
This ain't the 60's anymore. Parenting is not just done by mom while dad's bringin' home the bacon. That is very antiquated thinking, and while it does still happen that way, there are a LOT more "involved fathers" than you possibly give credit to. In my family, we (me and my children's mother) make sacrifices to our careers, our lives, etc. to make sure our children are raised correctly. This notion that it's all mom is wrong, and I wish people like you would cease perpetuating the image.

Jeremy of NC 1:03PM May 14, 2012