A Year of Bold but Absurd Statements

Here are some of my favorite quotes and moments of 2006:

1. Don Rumsfeld is the finest secretary of defense this nation has ever had.

–Vice President Cheney about his pal

I guess that's why Bush 43 fired him.

2. We will maintain control of the House as well as the Senate.

–President Bush and Karl Rove

Sorry, Karl. You are no longer a genius; you are a turd blossom, as W likes to call you now and then.

3. I'm the decider.

–W

Of course, most of the decisions have been wrong.

4. Either [Michael J. Fox] didn't take his medication or he's acting.

–Rush Limbaugh (while flailing his arms)

Nice going, Rush. Senate candidates had big money-raising days based on your making a fool of yourself–again.

5. I hope we don't treat this like a fruit salad.

–James Baker, defending the report of the Iraq Study Group

W is an ingrate, Jim. Guess he forgot all that help in Florida to get him elected.

6. I am not running for president.

–Sen. Bill Frist of Tennessee

If you had, it would have been a field day for Letterman and Leno.

7. I am pleased the committee did not cite me for any violation of House rules.

–Speaker Dennis Hastert on the ethics committee report on the Mark Foley scandal

Mr. Speaker, you deserved at least a reprimand for your role in delaying this black mark on the House.

8. [Sen.-elect Jim] Webb certainly has conveyed what he is: a boor.

–columnist George Will after Webb snubbed the president at a White House reception

George, listen closely. Bush was just as rude. And he is just renting the White House and doesn't own it. Yet.

9. The many excuses and alibis offered by Republican strategists after November 7.

You lost. Get over it.

10. Hypocrite of the year award goes to George W. Bush.

He wished happiness to a pregnant Mary Cheney and her partner, Heather Poe. As a candidate, Bush was highly critical of same-sex marriage and parenthood. Guess this is different.

11. Nonintelligence award goes to Rep. Silvestre Reyes, a Texas Democrat.

Nancy Pelosi's choice to head the House Intelligence Committee comes up short on knowledge of the Middle East. Will someone please explain in a hurry to Reyes about religion in the region?

12. Intolerance award goes to Rep. Virgil Goode, a Virginia Republican.

The new Congress hasn't even convened, and Goode thinks our way of life is being threatened by the election of Muslim convert Keith Ellison of Minnesota to the House.

Virgil: You probably wanted to call him macaca to link with defeated Sen. George Allen: Soak your head.