I've got a real problem with Fox's "War on Christmas." I went to the website to learn how to keep all the abortionists and married gays from making me wish everyone "Happy Holidays," but instead I got nonsense and a user experience worse than Healthcare.gov.
Where are the battle songs? How am I supposed to fight without a soundtrack? I get the whole Silent Night thing, but I didn't think it was supposed to be literal. Bill O'Reilly could have at least included some of his favorite gems. "Jingle Bombs" and "Nuclear Winter Wonderland" are great morale builders.
And where is the list of talking points? The spin war is as just as important as the shooting war. How am I supposed to convince people that Obamacare won't cover Frosty's involuntary melting condition? Christmas isn't Christmas without red herrings!
Not to mention, why am I being asked to fight the New York Police Department because they want to keep bars from boozing up this year's SantaCon? Seems reasonable to me that the city wants to stop thousands of pseudo Santas from drowning all the miracles on 34th street. Last year's event got so bad that Macy's refused to say Merry Christmas in protest.
Obviously, Fox has no interest in winning this war. I guess I'll just have to get my marching orders from my dusty old copy of "A Christmas Carol."