A Real Downside to Virtual Relationships

September 10, 2007 RSS Feed Print
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It could be said the website Second Life is a harmless way for people to live out their fantasies in a virtual community. It could also be said that Second Life and other virtual worlds where real people spend voluminous amounts of time pretending to be something they're not are sad commentaries on the state of American culture.

Second Life is not the first nor is it the only such website.

Habbo comes to mind with its Habbowood (a virtual Hollywood), as do SimCity, Cyworld, vSide, Friendster, hi5, and then of course the better-known Facebook and MySpace. These online communities function as part social networking sites (meet markets), part time-wasters, and part game sites with a titillating dollop of sex sometimes thrown in to lure traffic.

As occasional entertainment and escape from the vagaries of real life, perhaps they are harmless. As a replacement for real life interactions they are something else.

On Second Life, people form virtual friendships and marriages, buy virtual clothes and real estate, and do just about everything they can do in the real world. The technology might be new, but the concept is not. Second Life, and other sites like it, are preceded in the annals of media history by a time-sucking, ultimately unproductive way for people to wile away hours that could be better spent: commercial television. Living by proxy, be it virtual or televised, is not something completely new. The interactivity of virtual networking has only become widely available during the past 10 years or so, while television has been with us for some seven decades. The question for the moment is, have we allowed it to go too far?

I say to the denizens of these virtual worlds: Why not spend the same time and energy improving actual lives, meeting real people in real situations and building real businesses? Why not follow the example of the creator of Second Life, Philip Rosedale, who founded the firm responsible for creating the website, Linden Labs?

I wish it were true that no harm has come of these virtual interactions. The popularity of virtual social networking has mushroomed; some sites boast close to 10 milion members. But the real losses created by virtual play are just beginning to mount. The Wall Street Journal reports that family law experts and marriage counselors are seeing greater numbers of real marriages dissolve over virtual relationships. Perhaps we should rethink addiction to the virtual world as a substitute for real life. This is yet another case where technology has jumped decades ahead of the ethics needed to guide it.

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I run a philosopher group within Second Life. I use to believe "You guys have GOT to be Kidding me.. you want a relationship with a cartoon?"

There are 3 ways of coming into a virtual world. Dissassociatively: meaning you don't give any value to the pixels or the people behind and are purely coming in for entertainment. Immersively: Acting & reacting as if the avatar represented you and discussions are honest or you perceive they are honest. They come in to meet people and socialize. Augmentively: Those that use the virtual environment to add to real life, with work or education or even looking for real life mates.

But just like using a hammer as a screwdriver one has to be able to use the tool in it's proper way. Virtual worlds are amazing! They are especially good for those with handicaps or support systems for those that are home bound or taking care of the home bound.

I just did a wedding as Priestess of the Universe for a 24 yr old gal July 3rd. She had never been married and one of my philosophers called me and asked if I could do the wedding real quick.

I, of course, asked why the rush?

She has never been married and has always dreamed of a beautiful wedding with all her friends attending... and she has cervical cancer and they say that she only has a few days.

Well my first reaction was to say, Yes I would gladly do it, but in the back of my mind I questioned. "Is this a dissassociative player entertaining themselves with the drama of extremes?"

The bride took 3 weeks creating the venue for the wedding just as a real bride would prepare the guest list, invitations, flowers, dress, etc.

The wedding went well and she was over-the-moon... but three weeks later I heard that her second life friends were on Skype with her & her father as she weakened and passed away in real. ... but with a smile on her face. A last request served up with intensity and success. How can anyone mock that?

Reality is nothing other than the roles we play in real. Shakespeare had it correct when he said all the world is a stage. We create our own plots in our minds in real or virtual. We have people say "I love you" with no meaning in real. We play professor, doctor, cop and wear the uniform and walk the walk, but is that truly Who we are? We are a composite.

Relationships are breaking up because of virtual worlds mostly because Knowledge is power... what we conceive can be real, but it takes intelligence to comprehend the added filter computer mediated communication gives. This is all so new for everyone. Be gentle people. There is value in worldwide communication on a social level.. it just all needs to settle and I have to finish my book..

I have been studying this for over four years and have been doing consulting for education, business & interpersonal even started my business to assist.. virtualhandhold.com.

Addiction could be chocolate or running to extremes. Nothing of value misses an addiction component.

Pamala Clift of WA 8:02PM July 25, 2011

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Kent Ellson of AL 5:10PM July 04, 2010

I agree with your comments. Our son left his wife and kids to spend all of his time on Second Life. He is now pursuing marriage with a girl he met on Second Life. He cannot hold on to a job, help financially with support of his wife or kids, be there for anything. But he can spend time and money all day in Second Life. He has totally lost a sense of reality. He thinks we will all live this way someday. He is hooked. Just as much an addition as alcohol, drugs or gambling can be on certain individuals. Virtual sex, hidden identities, total openness, no rules, anything goes. What a receipe for moral disaster. Of course some can handle it, but some cannot. They lose a real sense of reality.

Jack

Jack Roberts of NY 9:21PM February 15, 2010

Bonnie Erbe

Bonnie Erbe

Bonnie Erbe is a contributing editor at U.S. News & World Report and hosts PBS's weekly news analysis program, To the Contrary with Bonnie Erbe. She also writes a weekly syndicated newspaper column for Scripps Howard News Service.

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