The Sad State of The Celebrity Fundraiser

Both Obama and Romney announced celebrity fundraiser dinners this week.

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Celebrity fundraiser dinners have really gone downhill since George Clooney started the trend.

First, the Romney campaign announced "Dine with the Donald." Why, asked much of the Internet, would anyone want to dine with the Donald? The hair! The bloviating! The birtherism! People said they would rather face bankruptcy, develop gangrene, or encounter the human centipede.

The Obama campaign soon followed suit with its own dreadful dinner. A new web ad yesterday featured Anna Wintour announcing a night with FLOTUS and POTUS, Sarah Jessica Parker and herself, scarily admonishing: "Just don't be late." Anna Wintour, as in the ruthless and contemptuous Vogue editor who inspired "The Devil Wears Prada."

Both dining experiences sound awful. But if a $3 donation happens to get you in the door, Whispers has some advice on lessons you can learn from your dinner partners.

From the Donald:

1. How to make sure pizza grease never gets on your Brooks Brothers shoes.

2. How to fire people with a catchphrase.

3. How to keep a toupee on in a wind tunnel.

From Wintour:

1. How to abuse your employees and get a movie out of it.

2. How to not change your hairstyle for decades and still be cool.

3. How to perfect "Blue Steel" as a woman.

Alternative: Hope that that Clooney's "Starmageddon" fundraiser strikes twice.

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  • Elizabeth Flock is a staff writer for U.S. News & World Report. You can contact her at eflock@usnews.com or follow her on Twitter and Facebook.