Ray Stevens's New 'I Hate The TSA' Song

Ray Stevens takes it to the TSA, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid.

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Ray Stevens, the popular songwriter of hits like "The Streak" and "Convoy" takes it to the TSA, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, and the president in his newest song that's sure to become hit, at least with anybody who's faced the body searches at airports. [See a gallery of political caricatures.]

In "The Skies Just Ain't Friendly Anymore," Stevens sings of taking a flight and being groped by Transportation Security Agency officials while his wife takes some enjoyment in going through the full body scans.

He sings:

I took off my shoes, my rings and watch

Then a guy said I need to check your crotch

And I'll need to see all your liquid toiletries

He gave me a grope, a squeeze, and a pat

And I'll tell you friends when I go to the vet

They treat my old bird dog with more dignity

And after being pressed and squeezed and prodded, he adds:

Now I only pray some son of depravity

Don't hide TNT in a body cavity

Cause imagine then all they'll wanta put us through

and Obama, Nancy, Harry, and Hillary

Probably say, 'Well, what's the big mystery?

Why don't they just eat cake and fly private jets like we do?

Stevens tells Whispers that the song, written by Buddy Kalb, is a compilation of tales he's heard from friends who've dealt with airport security. Among his experiences is losing several key chain knives that he forgets to take off before trying to get through security. "Us southern boys need our knives," says Stevens, who just released an album titled "We the People," a collection of patriotic and political songs. Of his latest tune he says, "It certainly is timely."

An outspoken conservative, he dismissed concerns that being so hard on Pelosi, Reid, and Obama would hurt sales. "I'm 72. I'm more worried about my country than my career," he says. And, after all, he adds, "country music is conservative."

THE SKIES JUST AIN'T FRIENDLY ANYMORE

WE WERE THINKIN ABOUT GOIN TO PHILADELPHIA /SO I SAID TO MYSELF "HEY LISTEN SELF YA

OUGHTA GET ON A AEROPLANE AND GO FIRST CLASS

WE HADN'T BEEN ON A PLANE IN YEARS/ NOT BECAUSE OF ANY FLYIN' FEARS

WE JUST HADN'T WANTED TO GO ANY PLACE FURTHER THAN A TANK OF GAS

I MADE RESERVATIONS AND PACKED ONE BAG/CHARLENE PACKED EVERYTHING SHE COULD DRAG

AND WE TOOK A CAB TO THE PASSENGER DROP-OFF ZONE

I GAVE THEM OUR TICKETS AND SHOWED 'EM I.D. SO THEY COULD MAKE SURE IT WAS HER AND ME

THEN AT SECURITY YOU WON'T BELIEVE ALL THAT WENT ON.

OH THE SKIES JUST AIN'T FRIENDLY ANYMORE

SINCE FLYIN' BECAME A CONTACT SPORT

YOU TAKE OFF YOUR COAT AND BELT AND SHOES BUT THAT'S NOT ALL YOU HAVE TO DO

NO THE SKIES JUST AIN'T FRIENDLY ANYMORE

I TOOK OFF MY SHOES MY RINGS AND WATCH/ THEN I GUY SAID I NEED TO CHECK YOUR CROTCH

AND I'LL NEED TO SEE ALL YOUR LIQUID TOILETRIES

HE GAVE ME A GROPE A SQUEEZE AND A PAT/ AND I'LL TELL YOU FRIENDS WHEN I GO TO THE VET

THEY TREAT MY OLD BIRD DOG WITH MORE DIGNITY

THERE WAS A WOMAN IN LINE IN FRONT OF MY WIFE/ I NEVER SEEN NOTHIN' LIKE IT IN ALL MY LIFE

A GUY GRABBED HOLD OF HER LIKE IT WAS THEIR HONEYMOON

"IF HE TOUCHES ME LIKE HE TOUCHED HER"/CHARLENE SAID "HE'LL BUY ME DINNER FIRST"

AND WE'LL HAVE TO GET US A MOTEL ROOM"

NO THE SKIES JUST AIN'T FRIENDLY ANYMORE

SINCE FLYIN' BECAME A CONTACT SPORT

YOU TAKE OFF YOUR COAT AND BELT AND SHOES BUT THAT'S NOT ALL THEY MAKE YOU DO

NO THE SKIES JUST AREN'T FRIENDLY ANYMORE

I RETRIEVED OUR LUGGAGE AND RENTED A CAR/I SAID "SELF PHILIDELPHIA JUST AIN'T THAT FAR

THAT I HAVE TO BE SUBJECTED TO ALL OF THIS MESS."

AND THE LAST TIME THAT I SAW CHARLENE /SHE WAS ON HER THIRD TRIP THROUGH THE BODY SCREEN

IT TAKES ALL KINDS TO MAKE UP THIS WORLD I GUESS

NOW I ONLY PRAY SOME SON OF DEPRAVITY/WON'T HIDE TNT IN A BODY CAVITY

CAUSE IMAGINE THEN ALL THEY'LL WANTA PUT US THROUGH

AND OBAMA, NANCY, HARRY AND HILLARY/ PROBABLY SAY "WELL WHAT'S THE BIG MYSTERY

WHY DON'T THEY JUST EAT CAKE AND FLY PRIVATE JETS LIKE WE DO?"

REPEAT CHORUS

TALK OFF........WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, THOSE T.S.A. FOLKS PROBABLY DON'T LIKE IT ANYMORE THAN WE DO. BUT THEN SOME OF 'EM MIGHT LIKE IT A WHOLE LOT...OH WELL, DON'T ASK DON'T TELL I GUESS.

I WAS THINKIN' ABOUT OPTIN' FOR THE FULL BODY X-RAY SCAN BUT TO TELL THE TRUTH I JUST DON'T LOOK THAT GOOD NEKKID ANYMORE.

NOW CHARLENE GOT EXTRA COPIES OF HERS...SAYS SHE'S GONNA USE THEM ON NEXT YEARS CHRISTMAS CARDS. YEAH SHE'S BEEN THROUGH SO MANY TIMES WE DON'T NEED A NIGHT LIGHT ANYMORE...AND SHE GOT A PART TIME JOB AT THE LIGHTHOUSE. I KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA GET HER FOR HER BIRTHDAY...A BIG SHADE.

RECORDED BY RAY STEVENS ON CLYDE RECORDS, 2011

WRITTEN BY C.W. BUDDY KALB, RAY STEVE3NS MUSIC, BMI