Ray Stevens, the popular songwriter of hits like "The Streak" and "Convoy" takes it to the TSA, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, and the president in his newest song that's sure to become hit, at least with anybody who's faced the body searches at airports. [See a gallery of political caricatures.]
In "The Skies Just Ain't Friendly Anymore," Stevens sings of taking a flight and being groped by Transportation Security Agency officials while his wife takes some enjoyment in going through the full body scans.
He sings:
I took off my shoes, my rings and watch
Then a guy said I need to check your crotch
And I'll need to see all your liquid toiletries
He gave me a grope, a squeeze, and a pat
And I'll tell you friends when I go to the vet
They treat my old bird dog with more dignity
And after being pressed and squeezed and prodded, he adds:
Now I only pray some son of depravity
Don't hide TNT in a body cavity
Cause imagine then all they'll wanta put us through
and Obama, Nancy, Harry, and Hillary
Probably say, 'Well, what's the big mystery?
Why don't they just eat cake and fly private jets like we do?
Stevens tells Whispers that the song, written by Buddy Kalb, is a compilation of tales he's heard from friends who've dealt with airport security. Among his experiences is losing several key chain knives that he forgets to take off before trying to get through security. "Us southern boys need our knives," says Stevens, who just released an album titled "We the People," a collection of patriotic and political songs. Of his latest tune he says, "It certainly is timely."
An outspoken conservative, he dismissed concerns that being so hard on Pelosi, Reid, and Obama would hurt sales. "I'm 72. I'm more worried about my country than my career," he says. And, after all, he adds, "country music is conservative."
THE SKIES JUST AIN'T FRIENDLY ANYMORE
WE WERE THINKIN ABOUT GOIN TO PHILADELPHIA /SO I SAID TO MYSELF "HEY LISTEN SELF YA
OUGHTA GET ON A AEROPLANE AND GO FIRST CLASS
WE HADN'T BEEN ON A PLANE IN YEARS/ NOT BECAUSE OF ANY FLYIN' FEARS
WE JUST HADN'T WANTED TO GO ANY PLACE FURTHER THAN A TANK OF GAS
I MADE RESERVATIONS AND PACKED ONE BAG/CHARLENE PACKED EVERYTHING SHE COULD DRAG
AND WE TOOK A CAB TO THE PASSENGER DROP-OFF ZONE
I GAVE THEM OUR TICKETS AND SHOWED 'EM I.D. SO THEY COULD MAKE SURE IT WAS HER AND ME
THEN AT SECURITY YOU WON'T BELIEVE ALL THAT WENT ON.
OH THE SKIES JUST AIN'T FRIENDLY ANYMORE
SINCE FLYIN' BECAME A CONTACT SPORT
YOU TAKE OFF YOUR COAT AND BELT AND SHOES BUT THAT'S NOT ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
NO THE SKIES JUST AIN'T FRIENDLY ANYMORE
I TOOK OFF MY SHOES MY RINGS AND WATCH/ THEN I GUY SAID I NEED TO CHECK YOUR CROTCH
AND I'LL NEED TO SEE ALL YOUR LIQUID TOILETRIES
HE GAVE ME A GROPE A SQUEEZE AND A PAT/ AND I'LL TELL YOU FRIENDS WHEN I GO TO THE VET
THEY TREAT MY OLD BIRD DOG WITH MORE DIGNITY
THERE WAS A WOMAN IN LINE IN FRONT OF MY WIFE/ I NEVER SEEN NOTHIN' LIKE IT IN ALL MY LIFE
A GUY GRABBED HOLD OF HER LIKE IT WAS THEIR HONEYMOON
"IF HE TOUCHES ME LIKE HE TOUCHED HER"/CHARLENE SAID "HE'LL BUY ME DINNER FIRST"
AND WE'LL HAVE TO GET US A MOTEL ROOM"
NO THE SKIES JUST AIN'T FRIENDLY ANYMORE
SINCE FLYIN' BECAME A CONTACT SPORT
YOU TAKE OFF YOUR COAT AND BELT AND SHOES BUT THAT'S NOT ALL THEY MAKE YOU DO
NO THE SKIES JUST AREN'T FRIENDLY ANYMORE
I RETRIEVED OUR LUGGAGE AND RENTED A CAR/I SAID "SELF PHILIDELPHIA JUST AIN'T THAT FAR
THAT I HAVE TO BE SUBJECTED TO ALL OF THIS MESS."
AND THE LAST TIME THAT I SAW CHARLENE /SHE WAS ON HER THIRD TRIP THROUGH THE BODY SCREEN
IT TAKES ALL KINDS TO MAKE UP THIS WORLD I GUESS
NOW I ONLY PRAY SOME SON OF DEPRAVITY/WON'T HIDE TNT IN A BODY CAVITY
CAUSE IMAGINE THEN ALL THEY'LL WANTA PUT US THROUGH
AND OBAMA, NANCY, HARRY AND HILLARY/ PROBABLY SAY "WELL WHAT'S THE BIG MYSTERY
WHY DON'T THEY JUST EAT CAKE AND FLY PRIVATE JETS LIKE WE DO?"
REPEAT CHORUS
TALK OFF........WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, THOSE T.S.A. FOLKS PROBABLY DON'T LIKE IT ANYMORE THAN WE DO. BUT THEN SOME OF 'EM MIGHT LIKE IT A WHOLE LOT...OH WELL, DON'T ASK DON'T TELL I GUESS.
I WAS THINKIN' ABOUT OPTIN' FOR THE FULL BODY X-RAY SCAN BUT TO TELL THE TRUTH I JUST DON'T LOOK THAT GOOD NEKKID ANYMORE.
NOW CHARLENE GOT EXTRA COPIES OF HERS...SAYS SHE'S GONNA USE THEM ON NEXT YEARS CHRISTMAS CARDS. YEAH SHE'S BEEN THROUGH SO MANY TIMES WE DON'T NEED A NIGHT LIGHT ANYMORE...AND SHE GOT A PART TIME JOB AT THE LIGHTHOUSE. I KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA GET HER FOR HER BIRTHDAY...A BIG SHADE.
RECORDED BY RAY STEVENS ON CLYDE RECORDS, 2011
WRITTEN BY C.W. BUDDY KALB, RAY STEVE3NS MUSIC, BMI
- See a slide show of new faces in the Senate.
- Check out our gallery of Whispers political caricatures.
- See the month's best political cartoons.
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James of TN 9:01PM February 21, 2011
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