"If that's his baby, he needs help."
"The biggest problem is my butt hurts. Is that normal?"
"I've been called a lot of things in my life, but I've never been called George Bush or Dick Cheney, certainly."
"If you like what I'm saying, I would like you to vote multiple times. If you don't like that, then stay home. Just kidding."
Sources: New York Times, Washington Post, the Hill