When Parents Move in With Their Adult Kids

"She's in a mental situation where she is still lucid and recognizes everyone that she loves, but her short-term memory is only about two or three minutes long," says Koppelman. "She would be fed and clothed and warm in assisted living, but she wouldn't be loved there. She is much more likely to maintain her mental health being with family."

The family took out a loan to build an approximately 300-square-foot room and private bathroom onto the house for Ruby, which Ruby pays back using her Social Security and pension benefits. The room has a private entrance but only to the backyard. "We did that on purpose because if she does get confused, we don't want her to be able to wander," says Koppelman. "We do need to adjust our schedule so that someone is always home when we can't have a paid caregiver come in."

Caregiving roles can put a lot of stress on the rest of the family. "If healthcare needs are fairly extensive, you want to make sure you have someone to cover for you so that you can get out and are not on call 24-7," says Newman.

Interacting with one another. Before a relative moves in, it is also a good idea to bring up what subjects will be taboo, perhaps politics or dating lives. "I've taken oral histories where the parents start to make judgments about the lifestyle of their kids and tell the kids how to behave and the kids start getting judgmental about whether the parents can date or not," says Coontz. "They both have to have their own space and respect the decisions of the other parties."

Each generation should also maintain an individual social life. "If your parents don't have a social network, help them create their own social network so that they are not totally dependent on you for all social interaction," says Newman. You can find peers with similar interests through religious associations, community centers, and volunteer organizations.

In a multigenerational household, it can often be difficult to know who is in charge. "You've got the traditional power structure of the parent having authority and the child saying this is my house and what I say goes," says Coleman. "There is a high potential for conflict, but there is a good potential for increased closeness."