Wives as Breadwinners Resent Husbands

breadwinner mama

my hubby doesn't work - i pull in 80k a year - i've worked all my life, and when my husband lost his job and i was at the time pregnant with our second, he felt bad - but i think he's used to having it easy - he loads the dishwasher every day - that's it - i pull it on every end - he's a great dad, but as he used to fascinate me, he doesn't any longer - My girlfriends who are stay at home moms don't come around anymore for fear that i might steal their educated man - who gets paid and takes care of them financially... i'm a bit robust, with personality and have held my own my career with the boys - i'm good at what i do. my husband isn't - i love him, but he's becoming a fixture in my house - like the wallpaper - yawn...

fawn of AK @ May 26, 2008 04:32:04 AM

I'm a stay AND work at home dad

I'm blessed to be able to work from home. I also homeschool our oldest son. The wife makes more than I do in salary, but not by much. Any overtime I put in balances that out, and the benefit of not having to commute also tips the scales. I'm able to clean up some, do laundry and manage the kids while she sits in the office.

Sometimes I envy her.. but not often.

Matthew Erickson of AK @ May 22, 2008 15:13:14 PM

Good thoughts...

It sounds like all of you--Barry, Amy and Katie--are advocating balance. If women have entered and succeeded in the professional world, then men ought to enter (and succeed!) in the domestic sphere.

It's interesting--All this is proof that housework is the most difficult job, and it reminds me how terrific my mother is.

Liz Wolgemuth of @ May 21, 2008 17:26:39 PM

I make more then my husband, and I recently took a job that doubled our income. But the time we each spend at work is the essentially the same, so really neither of us wants to do the household chores. While it would be financially feasible to have him quit , stay home to cook, clean, and do yard-work, I wouldn't expect that of him any more then he does of me. Instead, since I come home before he does, I cook dinner, then he cleans the pans and does the dishes after. We hired a service to mow the lawn, so we have our weekends free to be with each other. And if the house gets a little dusty in the corners, or a volunteer event gets skipped, so what? Resentful? I feel lucky to have a supportive partner, soul mate, and confidant who helps me be the best I can be (and vice versa).

Katie of LA @ May 21, 2008 13:06:43 PM

Yes, I know what the resentment's about. I think you're misinterpreting my comment as saying that women shouldn't resent men who sit on their tushes. On the contrary, I'm sighing about our needing to have that conversation.

I'm one of those men who usually cooks dinner, and I don't understand why we're so hung up on "gender roles" that we have to create these silly conflicts. Life is too short for that.

Barry Leiba of NY @ May 21, 2008 12:59:47 PM

I think the point is that women are working fulltime outside the home and yet are still expected to keep the household running smoothly. When men walk in the door after a day at work, they do not have the impusle to put in a load of laundry, unload the dishwasher or put dinner on the table. (I realize I'm generalizing - kudos to you men who do!) And because the women Liz is writing about are not just working, but are the primary breadwinners, they probably feel like the work-home balance is just a little out of whack. If they came home to a clean house, clean clothes and a husband preparing a nice dinner at least half the week, they probably wouldn't feel the resentment.

Amy WB of IL @ May 21, 2008 09:25:28 AM