The Best Way to Stop Sexual Harassment

Thanks

Thanks, Linda and others, for your thoughtful and helpful insights on this age-old problem. I was hoping to spark some discussion (though of course not hoping to be called an idiot).

I'm not advocating that people act falsely. I'm saying that if you feel scorn for someone's behavior, then a scornful laugh may well be a powerful weapon for you. For sure, I do not advocate laughing in a way that implies amusement or encouragement. Nor would I join in by "cracking a joke" or in any way indicate I am having fun. Because there's nothing fun about sexual harassment. It can make your job a living hell. But my observation and experience is if you can carry it off, it's very possible to shut down harassment by laughing in the person's face. I've done it a million times. It's tremendously empowering.

However, I do willingly bow to the greater expertise of the professionals! My point of view arises purely from my own experiences and what has worked for me, in many jobs and many different workplaces.

Working Girl of WA @ Oct 02, 2008 18:04:27 PM

Laughing, really?

Karen,

Your advice concerns me.

If victims laugh at being harassed, no matter which type of laugher you suggest they use, doesn't that run the risk of encouraging the abuse? The last thing we should do is encourage anyone to giggle at being harassed.

Laugher implies that the victim doesn't feel threatened and some harassers may see this as consent to harass.

Why not encourage some other sort of behavior that would empower the person being harassed?

Brie W. of TX @ Oct 02, 2008 13:47:34 PM

Karen Burns, you are an idiot.

http://jezebel.com/5058014/the-solution-to-sexual-harassment-laugh-at-it

Ayesha @ Oct 02, 2008 13:34:24 PM

Several studies have shown that teen and pre-teen girls tend to nervously giggle when they are harassed, which the sexual harassing boys take as encouragement. People who sexually harass others probably aren't good at reading social cues and don't have the ability to distinguish between different types of laughter.

If things escalated, reporting that you laughed in response to an inappropriate comment (even if it was meant to humiliate) could weaken your case against the harasser, making HR less likely to take action.

This was unbelievably bad advice.

clevernamehere of NY @ Oct 02, 2008 13:34:04 PM

The Best Way to Stop Sexual Harassment

Karen Burns gives terrible advice in your October 2 article, "The Best Way to Stop Sexual Harassment." Contrary to what Mr. Bums says, laughter does not stop sexual harassment. It encourages it. Laughter implies enjoyment in sexually harassing situations as much as it implies enjoyment in other situations. Once the harasser thinks you are having fun, he will continue the behavior, and it will be even harder to get him to stop. Laughter can also be a challenge to the harasser to escalate the offending behavior. Men will not lose in the battle of the offending behavior. They will keep going until they see your face turn red. Most women, even the most battle-hardened gals, cannot withstand the after-laughter “take this” retort.

Ms. Burns’s very bad advice is, essentially, to mask how you really feel about the situation and to engage in confusing behavior that does not represent what your really want to communicate. There is enough masking of feelings and confusing of the situation already happening in our workplaces. It is irresponsible to advise that we add more inauthentic behavior to our daily work lives, especially in the already confusing area of sexual harassment. Also make a note that, legally, if you complain about the behavior later, your laughter (implying your enjoyment) will be used by the company and the harasser as proof that you weren’t offended or humiliated but enjoyed the comment.

Where did we get the idea that the way to get someone to do what you want them to do is to pretend you don’t care? The way to get a person to do something is to ask them to do it (make a request). I realize that most of us don’t trust each other enough to ask another person to do something and to think they might do as we ask. We’d better start. There are far more trustworthy people in our workplaces than we imagine. The sooner we discover them, the better.

Some women think they need to pretend nothing bothers them at work. They think that complaining to the company or to the harasser is a sign of weakness that send a signal that they can’t “take it.” So long as women hide the impact of sexual harassment on them, the longer it will take to get rid of sexual harassment. I imagine women laughing and cracking jokes in response to sexual harassment at work, then crying and complaining to their friends, or worse yet, saying nothing to anyone. If women do not speak up about the impact of sexual harassment, there is no reason for harassers to change their specific behavior and no opportunity for their employers to correct the situation.

The effective actions to take if you are being sexually harassed are:

1. To say calmly to the person engaging in the offending behavior that the behavior is offensive,

2. To ask the person to stop the specific behavior you object to,

3. To remind the person that the behavior violates company policies,

4. To ask the person for a response to your request,

5. To report the behavior to the company official who is responsible for receiving sexual harassment complaints,

6. Insist on an investigation,

7. Cooperate with the investigation, and

8. If your employer does not investigate or if you are dissatisfied with the results, complain to an outside local, state or federal agency.

The federal agency that is responsible for investigating sexual harassment complaints is the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC). The EEOC is headquartered in Washington, D.C., has offices throughout the U.S., and is listed in the telephone book’s government listings.

Yours truly,

Linda Gordon Howard

Author of The Sexual Harassment Handbook (Career Press 2007)

Linda Gordon Howard of VA @ Oct 02, 2008 13:29:44 PM

Hmmmm

Obviously, I made no sense.

I meant that the harassee should laugh at the harasser, as a means to humiliate him and get him to stop!

Working Girl of WA @ Oct 02, 2008 12:30:58 PM