My husband stays home with our son, because it makes financial sense and is best for our babe! I am a physician and he is an artist and real estate agent. I have a very successful private solo practice, I love my work, and it would make no sense for our family for me to drop what I do and stay home. While this choice seems so obvious to us, I have been stunned by my family's reaction to my husband's decision to stay home with our son. The same parents that encouraged me to be whatever I wanted to be, regardless of gender, are incredibly suspicious of my husband for staying home with the baby! I have pointed out to them their lapse in critical thinking on this one, and I think they are coming around. There is a double standard out there, and I wish there weren't. Because my husband stays home, I was able to breastfeed our son throughout the first year of life as my husband drove him the short distance to my office everyday for lunch :) I do not feel the mommy guilt while at work, because I know that my baby is with his very capable daddy. Let me also say that this has been very therapeutic for my husband . . . his parents divorced when he was very young, his father virtually vanished and he was then raised by a single mother who worked 80 hours a week leaving him to effectively be raised by his sister. Bonding with his child like this has been the sweetest experience for him, so much more healing than therapy :) My only wish is that people would be more accepting of this choice! We accept that women can be professionals . . . why can't we accept that a man can stay at home with the children?
laura
of CA
@
Oct 05, 2009 02:21:42 AM
The Rise of the Stay-At-Home Dad
It is a child's right to be raised by both of their fit parents but our society focuses on the mother as the legal care giver without respect to the actual need for the father as a different type of caregiver. Get politically active and demand that your state legally recognize Presumed Equal Child Custody now!
Darrick Scott-Farnsworth
of MI
@
Jul 10, 2009 07:55:30 AM
Experience
In 1993 I lost my teaching job and my wife happened to land a job. We had three young children at the time, two in diapers. I began my career as a full time stay at home dad and I delivered newspapers in the morning before my wife went to work to earn a little money. Those 5 years I stayed home with the children reaped so many rewards. People always comment on how grounded and happy they are.
No daycare could have every provided the love, care and attention that I gave my own children. Yes, we did live on very little money for a number of years. When the kids were in school, and pretty independent, I went back to school and got a masters in speech pathology and now have a great job. The years I spent at home raising my children, observing them, learning and playing with them was not only helped develop a strong bond with them, it also was great training for how to teach children in a loving way.
I will say that staying home and raising children requires patience and commitment. Also, I did feel the sting of comments from people who could not accept the fact that a Man was capable of caring for children.I just brushed them off. The media is filled with funny caricatures of men who are failures at domestic chores. What they don't show is just how versatile men can be.
Not only can we often cook, clean, play with children, be creative, remodel the house, fix all manner of stuff, but can also care for children.
My wife was wonderful with the kids when she stayed home with them. But, we both agree that I was actually better suited to be with them at home. I really love kids and enjoyed it. I think that is important. If you don't enjoy children, then staying home with them all day, is not a good thing. Kids will pick up on that instantly. Some people just can't handle being with kids. They need to be in he adult world.
Dean Vanderbush
of OR
@
Jul 08, 2009 15:25:15 PM
Not in Austria
Not in Austria!
My dad tried to stay home and look after me, but my mom kicked him out.
In Austria, the mom does ALL of the parenting and nothing is shared with the father.
Paula Angelique Hafner
of DC
@
Jun 28, 2009 19:18:01 PM
my uncle is mr. mom
He and my aunt just had a baby in March, she took an extended maternity leave until the end of the academic year. He is taking advantage of an unpaid child rearing leave for the upcoming year. His district will hold his position and he can return to it in fall of 2010 if he so chooses.
When he was filling out the paperwork, the benefits administrator was like "oh, we've never done this for a man before" to which he responded, "you're like 5 words away from a lawsuit"
If they can manage on one income, I wouldn't be surprised if he takes 4 or 5 more years off from teaching and then returns to it. I guess the upside to being a math teacher, is that math teachers are ALWAYS in demand....
Kimberly Palmer, senior editor for U.S. News & World Report, writes about how to save money, avoid scams, manage debt, and be a savvy shopper. Send your personal finance questions to her for expert money advice.
laura of CA @ Oct 05, 2009 02:21:42 AM
Darrick Scott-Farnsworth of MI @ Jul 10, 2009 07:55:30 AM
Dean Vanderbush of OR @ Jul 08, 2009 15:25:15 PM
Paula Angelique Hafner of DC @ Jun 28, 2009 19:18:01 PM
Veronica of NH @ Jun 26, 2009 13:07:15 PM
Back to blog