Alpha Consumer

Should Women Keep a Secret Money Stash?

By Kimberly Palmer

Posted: March 19, 2008

My grandmother surprised me recently when she suggested that I keep a secret stash of money, separate from my husband's and my shared account, for "emergencies." Not to sound naive, but I wasn't sure why I would need such a thing. Even in the worst-case scenario, aren't wives still entitled to half of all their joint accounts? My grandmother explained that it was just nice to have some flexibility—not to guard against disaster but in case I wanted to buy something on my own one day.

She's not the first grandmother to make such a suggestion. In Money: A Memoir, Liz Perle writes:

My grandmother went over to her pocketbook, a black patent leather rectangle with a silver clasp that I liked to snap open and shut. She removed a $20 bill, folded it twice, and stuck it into the bizarre purse, which she then handed to me.

"This is the beginning of your knipple," she said, pronouncing this alien word "kah-nipple." "It's a woman's private stash. Every woman needs one. A just-in-case account. Every woman needs money of her own that her husband never knows about. So she can do what she wants. What she needs. Remember that."

I'd love to hear any reader opinions on this one!

Everyone should have a stash!

I plan on getting a joint bank account with my fiancée soon for the things we pay together like rent, groceries, holidays, meals out which most of my income will go into, but not all of it! I suspect he will want an individual account too. Obviously just in case we were to split up its good to have enough savings not to have to wait months before we move out... but there are some transactions I want to make in secret. His birthday presents for instance, helping my parents save for when my little sister goes to college and charity donations.

I don't think keeping the account itself secret is healthy though. If I found out he had an account I had no knowledge of at all I'd be very concerned.

Helen of PA @ Oct 06, 2008 09:57:35 AM

Secret stash

My mother and grandmother both told me a woman should have her own money. Secret stash? Maybe, but I think that a couple should have "yours, mine and ours" money. If a woman is working in or out of the home, why should she have to ask for money? I think that couples should sit down and talk before they get married about who will be taking care of the home budget and when each person wants something, they should have their own money to buy it with.

Lydia M of MA @ Aug 22, 2008 12:15:39 PM

I don't see the problem.

I grew up watching my father beg for pocket money from my mother because his entire paycheque goes into the household account she handles.

I grew up and married someone who thought nothing of going out on his payday and buying hundreds of dollars' worth of useless crap for himself, (who really needs three "daggers" that won't even hold an edge?!) leaving me to cover all the bills for the apartment, utilities, and supplies for our infant out of my paycheque alone. When he finally walked, I and our year-old son landed out on the streets (literally, we slept in a tent in someone's backyard) because, foolishly, I'd kept nothing back.

Now, ten years out of that first marriage, I'm in a much healthier place. My love has his money, I have mine. We collaborate to meet joint goals, we help each other in our personal goals, but neither of us feels the need to control every cent the other has. I'm not threatened by his autonomy. He doesn't resent mine. I can't imagine ever consenting to doing it any other way, not again.

C. N. of NC @ Aug 21, 2008 13:15:01 PM

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Alpha Consumer

Alpha Consumer

Kimberly Palmer, senior editor for U.S. News & World Report, writes about how to save money, avoid scams, manage debt, and be a savvy shopper. Send your personal finance questions to her for expert money advice.


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