6 Ways to Prep Your Kids for an Oversexed World

Children are sure to encounter sexually explicit photos and lyrics. Help them stay safe

By Nancy Shute

Posted: August 11, 2008

Talking with kids about sex is a challenge for most parents, and it's getting harder by the day, what with children exposed to sexually explicit terms and images at younger and younger ages. Diane Levin, coauthor of So Sexy So Soon, gives these six pointers on how to help your children navigate safely through an oversexualized world. "It's much harder for parents now," Levin says. "But there's a lot more they can do than they realize."

1. Stay connected, so your child is comfortable telling you about sex or other emotionally charged issues. When children say or do something that seems inappropriate, a good start to the conversation is: "What have you heard about that?"

2. Protect children as much as possible from exposure to sexual imagery in the media and popular culture. Ban TVs and computers from kids' bedrooms. Set up a schedule that spells out how much screen time your kids have each day. Encourage other activities, including sports, music, and volunteering.

3. Learn about the media and popular culture in your children's lives. Ask them what shows, videos, and games they do and don't like, and what their friends like. Watch shows or play video games with your children, so you know what's in the media and can talk about why sexual or violent images disturb you. Preview shows yourself if you're not sure whether they're appropriate for your child. If you have tweens or teens, join MySpace and Facebook to keep an eye on their online activities.

4. Get beyond "Just say no." If you are too rigid as a parent, your kids will sneak behind your back or be afraid to tell you about disturbing images they see. Try working out solutions with your children. When you do need to say no, say it constructively: "I know you saw that show at Jared's house, and we've talked about how much you want to watch it here. But I've watched it, too, and it just makes me too uncomfortable to let all the [inappropriate content] into our house. But I'm glad we've talked about it."

5. Counteract the narrow stereotypes of boys and girls in commercial culture by helping boys learn alternatives to tough and violent behavior and by encouraging girls to be physically active and independent, rather than focusing on appearance and sexiness.

6. Share your values and concerns with other adults—including other parents and teachers. We're not in this alone.

In a Q&A with a reporter, Levin explains how parents can help kids navigate safely through today's sexualized media.

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sassy of NY @ Jan 24, 2010 21:31:59 PM

bliss too sultry to tell

As a man, Rehabilitating the senses has taken time. A fantasy that is all too absurd for one person, may or may not be for another. Being available to address such emotions is something that more or less cannot happen, when the luck of the fantasy or involvement is too terribly brief.

As a further note continuing along the lines of the previous paragraph, it too would be possibly strange and unconvincing trying to reform somebody elses "DESIRES". Putting desires into a plural form is easy, concentrating on a destiny is a trap to me. How will I ever move on past the identity given to most couples if I have only been accustomed to succumbing or finding relief briefly through isolated encounters?

Questions like that are ones that fathers and mothers, friends and all can tell on about themselves, but then again, that is just a story.

Danton Steele of WA @ Jan 24, 2010 18:37:42 PM

Abstinence does not work, reality does.

Can you believe that MOST kids DO NOT believe that oral sex is sex? So technically Russ is correct...abstinence is good in theory but just doesn't cover it. They also don't believe that sex is sex unless they cum...and a whole slew of MISinformation that you would never even think of. I am a teacher in China and I've been here for 7 years- I know just what kind of damage shielding kids can do.

I worked with a young woman (25 years old) and her mother told her that she could get pregnant if she kissed a boy and that she could get an STD from holding hands. I admit this is a little wacky and extreme but it's true. She came home crying one day convinced she was pregnant because she had gotten her first kiss.

I know of 13 year olds glued to the internet downloading porn and erotic pictures while their parents think they are doing homework or at school. They don't have to do it at home either...how many kids have parents that work?

I have 16 year old girls dating 30 year old men because they can give them what they want and they think that it's OK because "he's a man" and they trust him.

These are all stories coming from a 1950's era country mentality. Porn is illegal to buy or own. Parents don't talk about sex to their kids. There is NO SEX on TV. And yet they are having to face the same world as your kids...with much fewer resources. Sex Ed in schools- NEVER! Access to condoms? They think they're only for gay men! Understanding the difference between reality and what they see in the media? THEY THINK BRITNEY SPEARS IS AN AMERICAN ROLE MODEL!! And they try to emulate what they see from American TV and in American Movies. So what do you think our own children are getting from all the media targeting them.

Look at the music industry- targeting the most vulnerable group with young male singers to introduce them to the sexed up world of pop music.

Roberta @ Dec 09, 2009 02:08:46 AM

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