Williams's War on Errant Poo

Administrators and the school paper wax philosophical on why students can't keep their pants on.

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Williams College is having an excrement problem, and everyone—administrators, custodians, students, and the school newspapers' editorial board—is begging the putrid perpetrators to stop. Since the beginning of the semester, custodians have executed six "excrement-related bio-cleanups" on campus, the Williams Record reports. And just this past weekend, workers discovered five vomit-soiled toilets, along with a broken urinal and a damaged bathroom mirror. School officials have questioned its students' "human decency" and worry about their much "abused" custodial staff.

Even more frustrating for law enforcement is that the incidents have occurred all over the campus. "These have been in every neighborhood in every kind of building," Miles told the paper. "I can't say that there's a pattern, because it's been all over campus, which in some ways is more disturbing."

The school is in discussion over how to stop the epidemic. Ideas on the table include harsh punishments and high fines for perpetrators, fostering a connection between the criminals and victims ("putting a face to the people who have recently dealt with bio-cleanups"), community service for the entire student body, and addressing the obvious role of alcohol in these events.

The Williams Record has also taken a hard stand against this sloppy bathroom behavior. "The volume and variety of these bio-incidents indicate that this is everyone's problem. While only a few people may be making the messes, by standing silently on the sidelines, the majority of us are implicitly accepting this behavior. If the only noise the majority of us make about this issue is grumbling after the fact when our houses are slapped with fines, how can we expect change?" Bold words for trying times.