Candidates Try to Be Funny but Are Unintentionally So

It's that time of year again at the University of Pennsylvania, when ambitious, credential-grubbing résumé builders run for student government. The Daily Pennsylvanian asked the freshman candidates questions. They answered with varying degrees of wit.

What does Penn's president do?

She runs s---.

She furthers intellectual development to ensure that we are better than Princeton?

What are some issues on the Undergraduate Assembly's agenda for this year?

No clue.

What is on your agenda?

I'll give our class what they want: ...theme parties...cram sessions, covering for toilet seats.

I want to host a rave at a nightclub in downtown Philly. [Also] an event with a cookout, jousting, sumo-wrestling....

If you could choose anyone in the world to be your first lady/gentleman, who would it be?

Channing Tatum

Scarlett Johanssen

George Clooney

Christina Milian.... She's terribly quite attractive

Angelina Jolie.... Who could resist those lips?