Domestic Abuse Linked to Poor Health, Years Later
I didn't want to read the news story about Amy Castillo, the Maryland mother whose estranged husband drowned their three young children in a hotel room last Saturday. I didn't want to read that the family court judge refused to deny the father unsupervised visitation because Castillo continued to have sex with him after he talked about killing the children just to hurt her.
I can only surmise what this poor woman would have done had she known that he would most certainly carry out his threats. Shooting him in cold blood would have been an understandable option. (I say this as a mother of three kids.)
No one wants to read these stories, and no one wants to talk about them beyond expressing pity for this now childless mother. Amy Castillo said she shared her fears and no one listened to her. But even she may not have realized that what her husband was doing was a form of psychological abuse. And all women who live under a threat from a loved one, even when it doesn't erupt into violence, need to start having these conversations with their friends and family, not only to protect themselves but also to educate judges and doctors who all too frequently miss the signs in their female patients. A World Health Organization study published in today's Lancet found that women currently being abused were more likely to have memory loss, difficulty walking, dizziness, and vaginal discharge. Even those who hadn't experienced violence over the past year were more likely to be in poorer health overall, which the researchers write "suggests that the effect of violence might last long after the actual violence has ended."
Yet many doctors fail to connect the dots between partner abuse—including threats of violence—and unexplained health problems like chronic headaches, insomnia, painful sex, and gastrointestinal complaints, according to Janice Asher, a domestic violence expert and associate professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine. "All too frequently, women will get CT scans, MRIs, and other tests that go nowhere when doctors don't take the time to ask if they're in an unsafe relationship," she laments. While abuse itself can obviously cause injuries, psychologists have found that the pain often lingers after the body heals due to "memories" stored in nerve cells. This could explain why a woman might suddenly develop pelvic pain after entering a new relationship when her last boyfriend forced her to have a type of sex she didn't want.
With 2 million American women abused by their partners every year, doctors are doing a huge disservice when they don't screen for domestic violence—especially, Asher adds, since most women won't talk about abuse unless they're asked. (And even then, many won't discuss it until they've established a trusting relationship with their doctor.)
"I'm so glad you're covering this!" she tells me. I told her that I heard a great presentation she gave two years ago on screening for domestic violence. What struck me at the time was how few doctors at the gynecology conference were in attendance to hear her remarks. "Yes," she sighs, "doctors tell me they're too pressed for time to ask about abuse." So, women may have to take it upon themselves to speak up about prior abuse if they're experiencing unexplained pain or other symptoms.
The first priority for a woman in danger, of course, is to get away from the source. Unfortunately, as Amy Castillo learned, the system doesn't always make that possible. Organizations like the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence can at least help put many abused women on the right track to safety.
Tags: women's health
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Are men affected similarly
I recently read a new story (source below) that said men are victims of domestic violence at comparable rates as women.
So, do abused men experience the same long term health issues as women?
source: http://pn.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/42/15/31-a?eaf
Deborah Kotz's response
That is a very good question. I'll email the study author and will post any response I get. That study was very intriguing. Thanks for sharing. I'm curious, too, as to whether the extent of injuries inflicted on men by women are as severe and as fear-provoking as those inflicted on women by men. No violence of any kind should be tolerated in a relationship, but violence that's life threatening is probably more likely to trigger prolonged health consequences than a single act of rage that doesn't do much physical harm.
abuse + walking problems
I am so glad to read this.
18 years ago I was in a physically and mentally abusive relationship. I developed numbness in my legs, ascending to my pelvic region. This followed my striking the back of my head following my abuser's literally "yanking the rug out from under my feet."
Even when the leg sensation returned (fairly quickly), the pelvic numbness remained. I mentioned the abuse to the neurologist at time and I will never forget his dismissive response: "Do you REALLY think your relationship has any connection?" I was young and in college, and easily intimidated.
God--more doctors need to be sensitive to this silent scourge.
Fast forward 10 years and I develop a walking problem following a ladder fall. An MRI subsequently shows some cervical demyelination, and though everything else has remained stable the last 8 years, I am now saddled with the convenient diagnosis of MS.
Perhaps this doctor in Jacksonville mentioned in your article may be a more sympathetic ear. Thank you for the piece.
Spousal abuse
No question, there is far too much spousal abuse.
It is interesting to note that the only overt, public, threat of abuse I ever witnessed was the "just you wait until I get you home" uttered by a 25 year old female to her same age husband as she gripped his ear and removed him from the supermarket. That was in 1954. She was built like a fullback and he might have weighed 125 pounds soaking wet. Perhaps he enjoyed being physically abused it but it certainly gave me pause. Had it been the other way around it would have been clear evidence of impending abuse.
I believe that much spousal abuse stems from very disparate views as to what constitutes an adequate frequency of sexual congress. Speaking from my own experience, such comments as:
"you are a sex maniac - no well adjusted person needs or can reasonably expect to have sex more frequently than once a month".
Or, "after talking to some of my girl friends I am willing to suggest a compromise - once a week on Monday evenings so I know when to brace myself for the encounter but no sex ever while I am menstruating".
Or, "Ok, OK if you must you must, but hurry up and get it over with, I have better things to do with my time"
Or, "you cannot expect to have sex on any night when you do not come to bed before 11 o'clock, appointed occasion or not"
Or, "you only married me so you could have sex".
My wife enjoyed "snuggling" but not carressing, which she described as pawing and snuggling was not,except on rare occasions, a prelude to sex.
Thankfully, after age 70 I rarely if ever think of my wife in sexual terms. She is a good person, good platitudinous company, a good cook, a good seamstress and a tolerable housekeeper. The treacherous "snake" no longer rises when we cuddle. That always resulted in the "immediate presentation of the back". Consequently the last 6 years have been, for me, the most pleasurable of the 55 years we have been married.
If I forced myself "ever, let alone too frequently" upon my wife that clearly constituted abuse. But withholding sex from me was not abuse - it may have been painful, degrading and one hell of a blow to my self esteem but it was not abuse. As always in our society, men have no recourse but to suck it up and shut up.
And spare me the crap about negotiating a resolution. The partner who has to "put out" more often than he/she wishes feels put upon and abused and the partner who is rationed to half or a third of what he/she wishes remains, at best, somewhat less frustrated and dissatisfied.
And let us by all means remember that spousal abuse, whether physical, emotional or sexual is only suffered by women, poor powerless souls that they are.
I would appreciate that my comments remain confidential. My wife is very much alive and no more forgiving now than 55 years ago.
I have had first hand experience with women and children caught in domestic violence and the court system. I'm the children's crisis counselor for a domestic violence division. Unless a parent has been "proven" to be an unlawful parent, supervised visitations are rarely granted. The court can not consider a parent unlawful, especially if the only issue being presented is the abuse only on the mother. The laws are written, in our state as in most, to ensure parental rights. Even an unlawful parent given time, will have unsupervised time reinstated. I understand that the court sees a parent that is educated, presents him or herself appropriately, and wants his or her children, so how could they be abusive. And yet, what child or spouse wants to say...someone I love hurts me. I have read several studies showing that not "all" abusive men are abusive to their children. However, the largest study done, shows 50% of the men were abusive to their children as well, and a 1/4 of them, were sexually abusive to the children. I have also counseled children who have been physically hurt, and it was ruled as a disciplinary action. So what are we to do? I am so sorry for Ms. Castillo's loss; as a parent, as a counselor, as a citizen, as a neighbor, I know the judicial system failed to protect her children. As mother and children continue to come into "our" division, I will continue to listen and do my best to represent them in the court. Because I know what they are telling me is real. What they have seen, felt, experienced. It doesn't have to be real for me, to be able to validate it. Officers, doctors, attorneys, judges, and community members could do some justice to remember this. We are only in their life for a short time. The people in their family are forever.
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Apr 04, 2008 20:24:05 PM [permalink] [report comment]