Bring Back the Stigma Against Unwed Mothers

babiy not wanted

Right on to encouraging stigma encourages hate. I have met a lot of girls that get pregnant, were only seeking the love and attention they never received as a child. So they turned to someone else that actually only preyed on thier loneliness... I know how that feels. It happened to me... I adopted the child out because my parents said I could not come home if I keep her.They never would have been kind to her...She got a lovely family that made her the center of life,she made good grades went to college, married and had a family of her own.. We talked about her meeting her real grandparents..But they would not have been kind to her. I discouraged the encounter...I was very young when I had her,but they wanted no part of her, and was forbidden to keep her.. I know how rejection can hurt ones self esteem and also my parents are very judgemental people.Having a good loving family would help stop some of these pregencies.

Are you people serious?

Kudos to the person who rightfully commented on the absence of accountability for the fathers involved.

Women do not get themselves pregnant. But these men walk away, scot-free, leaving their former partners destitute, alone, and with a new life on the way. Instead of bringing back the stigma for unwed mothers, why don't we start a new trend? How about a stigma for fathers who abandon their children and partners? Because if they were made to feel even an ounce of the pain, the shame, the guilt, and the loneliness that an unwed mother who has been abandoned has to go through, things could start to turn around. And it might even take some of the burden off of the welfare system.

I was an unwed mother at 22, and, armed with the desire to prove people like some of the posters here wrong, and without applying for or accepting a single penny from any social agency, without every applying for a subsidy of any kind, have completed university, single-handedly cared for my child for over a decade, and am raising a decent, compassionate human being. I was fortunate that I was working and going to school during my pregnancy - I was entitled to six months of maternity benefits (This was the Canadian standard at the time. Now it is one year. Before anyone gets their knickers in a knot, I paid into these benefits out of every paycheque, and every working Canadian woman is entitled to them. Canadian men are also entitled to paid parental leave.)

I don't know what church some of the posters go to, if any, but I am Catholic, as is my child, and we were welcomed with open arms. My inherent value, the inherent value of my child, was enough in the eyes of God, even though his father walked away when I was six months pregnant.

If anyone believes that forcing a woman to surrender her child for adoption will teach her responsibility, they obviously haven't raised a child on their own. There is no greater responsibility.

Now what can we do to teach the men some responsibility????

Thanks to Crystal for her comment

Thanks to Crystal, for her comment warning about the dangers of posting pictures of children and personal information online. God bless and protect the children.

Encouraging Stigma Encourages Hate

I can't stand judgemental hateful peopel like this. I suppose you are just perfect in every way, aren't you, Bonnie Erbe? I think not. Unwed mothers are human beings. Many are hard-working, responsible, and loving parents who do everything they can for their children. Many have been the victim of a man in some way or another. Many are protecting their children and themselves by not marrying the father of their children. Most are happy to have their children and have no regrets. I am an unwed mother. I had my daughter at 22. Her father and I were in a committed relationship. The idea to have a baby - wait for it - was his idea. I was young and I loved him. I would like to add that I was not promiscuous; at age 21, he was only my second partner. I have had no others since. We were not ready to marry. I have no regrets. My daughter is the light of my life. I am now enrolled full-time in a university pursuing my Bachelor's degree in Social Work, so I can help other vulnerable and stigmatized people live lives that all human beings deserve. Did I act irresponsibly in my past? Yes. Am I a good person who works hard and loves my child unconditionally? Yes. Will I be giving back to the community which has helped me make it while in school? Absolutely. Do I regret becoming a mother because I am unamrried? NO WAY! So to all of you Bonnie Erbe's spitting your hate speach against others I say this; "Let he (or she) who is without sin throw the first stone."

Unwed mother

Born 1929, growing and dating always been on best behavior with a girlfriend. We need to get back into believing and obeying the ten commandments. Sex outside marriage is a sin. Actually it is a mortal sin. Outside marriage it is called fornication and cheating is adultery. Do people know this.

"Warning re. pre-schooler pix online –"

San Francisco, CA

Single Moms On Facebook And MySpace Warned About Pre-Schooler Pix Online --

“Single mothers who put photos of their pre-school kids on their social networking homepages are creating a happy hunting ground for pedophiles.”

The warning comes from Crystal Jacquez, managing editor of Guys and Lies.com, the online back grounding site designed exclusively for women.

“Single mothers almost always do it.” says, Jacquez. “It’s not only incredibly dangerous but worse, most single moms have absolutely no idea that it’s dangerous at all!”

“Think of it,” continues Jacquez, “if you’re one of the tens of thousands of pedophiles with a taste for really young kids, how do you get to them? Children under five or six are just too young to be online.

“So what does this most dangerous form of pedophiles do?” asks Jacquez, “He surfs social networking sites looking for the pages of young single mothers.

Literally, millions of single moms are now on social networks like Facebook and MySpace -- and almost all of them proudly show off photos of their kids on their homepages and profiles.

So if you’re a pedophile stalking preschoolers, half an hour of searching out single mothers on social sites and you’ve got a dozen lush candidates – photos and all - just a few key strokes away”.

Not only that, but these predators know that these kids are often protected only by lonely, vulnerable women --- women who are looking for men who they hope love children. WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY! It’s a pedophile’s dream!

Read this excerpt from a report in the journal American Psychologist, published by the American Psychological Association, regarding pedophiles stalking pre-schoolers on the internet:

“Finding prepubescent victims directly (on the Internet) is quite rare; such offenders use the Internet in other ways. Pedophiles typically get access to preschool victims through online contact with parents”

“If you have pictures of your child on line,” says Jacquez, “don’t be too surprised to get a message like the following from some nice sounding guy”:

“Hey! I just saw your profile on Facebook and you are one great looking lady --- and that little girl of yours is just marvelous looking! She looks so bright etc. etc. etc!”

“You’re going to have a new best friend very soon,” she says. “Count on it!”

Who hasn’t heard of Lolita, one of the most famous books in America, in which the pedophile gets access to the prepubescent daughter by courting her divorced mother. You can still see the movie on cable TV with James Mason and Shelley Winters as the grown-ups and Sue Lyon as Lolita.?

Jacquez also cites the following statistic from: Offender Characteristics, U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics re. Victim-offender relationships in sexual assault regarding who sexually assaults children under 6 years old.

Who assaults chil

Single mother here.

My daughter is very loved and well-cared for, despite the fact that her father and I are not married. We had been together for two years, and when she was two months old he proposed to me. But as time went on, the stress of fatherhood became too much for him. He became neglectful and cruel. I left him, and took my daughter with me. Marriage to him would NOT have been in my daughter's best interests, unless you think that a child needs to experience abandonment and domestic violence on a regular basis.

Now I am a single mom, and it is hard enough without people like you declaring that we need to be even more stigmatized than we already are. We are on welfare (WIC and Medicaid) and I am thankful every day that the government is helping me ensure my daughter's health and well-being. I am going to school and working to support us, and soon I will be able to do so without government help. My daughter is a very happy and intelligent child. Would her life be worth more if her father and I were married? Would it be better? No. It would be worse.

In my life, I've seen no solid evidence that marriages create happier, more stable children. Many of my friends with married parents have experienced divorce, abuse, abandonment, drug use, etc. Marriage is no guarantee of happiness. We should be concentrating on educating parents as to proper care of their children. We should be teaching something other than abstinence-only sex education in our schools. We should put in place consequences for men who impregnate and abandon women.

And where is the accountability for unwed fathers? If a mother is unwed, there's an unwed father out there as well. Why are they not stigmatized? Men congratulate each other on skipping out on child support or leaving a woman that they impregnate, and society allows this behavior to happen with only slight legal ramifications or consequences. I agree with the commenter who said men should be neutered after fathering three children out of wedlock, though personally I would set the limit at one child.

I think your problem is with unwed mothers who shamelessly milk the system. Yes, those women exist, but when you call for stigmatization of unwed mothers, you're including women like me, and the other single mothers who've posted here: women who are striving for better education and a better life, women who have escaped domestic violence, gay women, and women who have become single through uncontrollable circumstances (e.g. death of spouse or partner). We don't deserve the stigma associated with unwed mothers. Save it for the crack whores.

Unwed Mommy

I am an almost 30 something woman who has recently been blessed with the news that I will soon be a new mother. My fiance and I PLANNED our pregnancy and have mapped out a plan for our relationship as well as our family. We have a good solid relationship, are committed to each other, attend church, are financially stable, have health insurance, and have graduated college. We are both employed and plan to get married....but not because of the baby. This child is a wonderful, welcome, and very much wanted part of our family. I have no doubts of our ability to be loving, caring, supportive parents. Our child will be one of the blessed who have a home filled with love, encouragement, and opportunity. We also have large extended families who couldn't be happier and look forward to being a part of our child's life. There are however, a few close friends of mine who look down on my decision to have a baby outside of marriage. I have yet to hear from them one good reason, though, as to why it is so awful for me to bring a child into this world. Our child will be given the type of life that any child would be lucky to have.

The Psychological Abandonment of Children

Cynthia of GA,

I (Lex Drás) tremendously understand your anger but let me ask you a question that has been proposed to me repeatedly. Would you support a program created to reduce the results of those women’s actions? I’ve answered YES; so much so that I voice that opinion openly in my blog and website. I think I have a plan to Illegitimate Births in this country. Will you and others help me in spreading the word about it? The details, as you can imagine, are extensive but you can begin by going to the web site dedicated to that cause: MamasFault.com. I need all the opinions I can get, regarding this “touchy” topic for most unwed mothers and their offspring. What are your opinions about my approach? You can leave your opinions here or at my site.

A Jones of NY,

I hate to break it to you, and you probably already know, but “after-the-fact” is too late! MY ENTIRE FOCUS is on PREVENTION! I cannot do it alone, please read my article, “Beyond the Book” where I give an initial outline for a program to eradicate this epidemic. Click on the links at the website to download or open in a window. What are some of your suggestions to prevent this tragedy from happening again?

LG of TX,

I agree with you in “…addressing the real causes of the problem instead of the results of what happens….” The real problems are psychological in that, as Cynthia-of-GA stated, “…these people are filling a void of some kind…” I emphatically believe in getting-inside-their-heads as early as possible to “fill that void” with substance so that the crap they are ingesting now will not fit. What are your suggestions on how to accomplish that endeavor? Let me know!

Unchecked breeding

I am a woman, and I understand mammalian impulses, but women who just breed like animals without any planning or foresight are wreaking havoc on the families of the men with whome they breed, and on society, at large. I don't know what you're referring to when talking about them not choosing to access welfare because of some stigma. A woman who will have a baby with whomever was the last man she slept with, and who often produce a string of babies by random lovers or serial husbands, certainly has no qualms about undergoing a little grilling from a social services worker. These women are experts in justifying their irresponsible behavior with their short-sighted ill-crafted logic, and when all else fails, the Bible. But why is it that the Bible's admonitions against fornication go unheeded, but bringing up abortion makes you an irredeemable sinner? Usually these people are filling a void of some kind, and using the baby as some kind of serotonin-stimulating drug. When the drug wears off and it's not fun any more, teachers, and counselors, and psychologists, and law enforcement are left to try to clean up the mess. Yeah, I'm mad!