The $2,000 Kiss
While I was interviewing Bonnie Eaker Weil, author of Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker, for a story on her book, she mentioned an intriguing concept: "pop shots," which she defines as "pissed-off purchases," usually made after a fight or falling out with a romantic partner or spouse. According to her survey, the average pop shot is $486, and people average three to four a year. That adds up to almost $2,000 a year—a lot to spend because of a few fights. I am somewhat skeptical of that number—are so many people really so unhappy in their relationships and willing to blow so much money because of it?—but Weil stands by the survey results.
She also has a solution to such conspicuous consumption: Hug or kiss your partner. "That high that you're looking for [when you spend], you can get that from your partner. If you hug for 20 seconds, you get a dopamine high. If you kiss 30 seconds, you get a dopamine high. You can actually have an affair with your partner—you don't have to shop until you drop," says Weil.
Are you convinced?
Tags: money | shopping | relationships
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Reader Comments
Don't forget hand holding
Author makes a great point. I'd add that hand holding is good, too. Sweet, safe, and oh-so-effective for middle-schoolers, high-schoolers, college singles, young lovers, middle-aged stress addicts and seniors----all the way to the moment of passing.
I pity the kids today who have landed in schools with lawyer-administrators who think hand holding is a thing to be prohibited. It is actually a thing for sensible parents and teachers to be encouraging (unlike the 30-second kiss above, which may prevent shopping by adults but can't be recommended for schools.)
Average, Shmaverage
I love it when you see "average" thrown around like this. That makes it sounds like this is normal behavior. I know that statistically this is not what the author means (ha ha, I made a funny!)
While I don't think this is typical behavior, I do think it happens. It would seem likely to me to be a particular problem in relationships where one person has total control and knowledge of the finances and the other is completely shut out. In that case, the shut out party may feel that breaking free a little is warranted.
While I don't think I ever had a "pop shot", I used to be in the position of having no knowledge ab out our finances, even though I have always been the primary bread winner. I would frequently feel resentful at not being able to buy stuff without "getting permission" from my wife. Now that we are openly communicating about money and sharing all the financial decisions, I no longer have any resentment. Knowledge, purpose, and teamwork really can work wonders, both with your money AND your marriage.
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