Should Women Keep a Secret Money Stash?
My grandmother surprised me recently when she suggested that I keep a secret stash of money, separate from my husband's and my shared account, for "emergencies." Not to sound naive, but I wasn't sure why I would need such a thing. Even in the worst-case scenario, aren't wives still entitled to half of all their joint accounts? My grandmother explained that it was just nice to have some flexibility—not to guard against disaster but in case I wanted to buy something on my own one day.
She's not the first grandmother to make such a suggestion. In Money: A Memoir, Liz Perle writes:
My grandmother went over to her pocketbook, a black patent leather rectangle with a silver clasp that I liked to snap open and shut. She removed a $20 bill, folded it twice, and stuck it into the bizarre purse, which she then handed to me.
"This is the beginning of your knipple," she said, pronouncing this alien word "kah-nipple." "It's a woman's private stash. Every woman needs one. A just-in-case account. Every woman needs money of her own that her husband never knows about. So she can do what she wants. What she needs. Remember that."
I'd love to hear any reader opinions on this one!
Tags: personal finance | savings
Tools: 
Share
|
| Comments (3)
Reader Comments
Sexist?
This line of thinking seems sexist and divisive to me.
If a married couple has a shared account, why shouldn't either partner be able to spend it on what they want or need? Why should the husband be kept in the dark? Secrets usually only hurt marriages.
Should the husband keep his own secret fund that his wife never knows about, "just-in-case"? Say, secret money she couldn't touch in a divorce? Or cash that he can blow in Vegas or AC, or on strippers or expensive nights out with the guys, without his wife whining about it? That probably sounds sexist, right?
It's essentially the same thing.
To say that women should feel justified in a secret stash "so she can do what she wants" to me implies that she is being oppressed, or doesn't have an equal say in their relationship.
If that's the case then she's probably got problems that a secret stash most likely can't fix. Sounds more like a relationship issue than a financial one.
Either way, the last time I checked it was 2008. Both women and men work, and both women and men share housework and child-rearing duties. Sure, that may not be the case in all relationships, but it seems prevalent in the middle-class at this point. Equal contribution (both financial and non-financial) should result in equal control over finances.
Maybe the women in the article haven't contributed equally, and thus they felt a need to sneak around?
whether this is sexist
I think to a degree you are right, Mike -- these grandmothers recommended that women have a secret stash because historically, women have not had equal access to money. Men have earned more (and still do). Even though it's 2008, there are, unfortunately, still some inequalities when it comes to women and money.
But I completely agree that when it comes to a healthy marriage, openness is key. That's one reason I don't have a secret stash.
Of course, what people do with their secret stash is a completely different issue altogether.
Add your thoughts
All comments are moderated and generally will be posted if they are on-topic and not abusive. For more information, please see our Comments FAQ.advertisement
