Baby Boomers Moving In With Adult Children
Both sides can cut housing costs and swap child and elder care. But tensions are likely, too
Twenty-somethings who move back in with their parents after college are often lamented as "boomerangs." But that term may need expanding now to include increasing numbers of seniors and baby boomers—you can call them "baby boomerangs"—who are taking up residence with their adult children and even grandchildren.
More than 3.6 million parents lived with their adult children in 2007, according to recently released Census Bureau data, up 67 percent from 2000. "It's a return to much closer intergenerational ties than we saw through much of the 20th century," says Stephanie Coontz, a professor of history and family studies at Evergreen State College and the author of The Way We Really Are: Coming to Terms With America's Changing Families. Factors fueling the trend include tight family finances, the convenience of sharing household chores among several adults, and the increasing number of immigrants who commonly live in extended families, according to Nicolas Retsinas, director of Harvard University's Joint Center for Housing Studies.
Sharing a house almost always cuts the living expenses of all involved. The dismal economy is changing people's attitudes toward living in an extended family, Retsinas says: "One of the first places people usually turn when they are in trouble is their family."
Make a deal. Allegra Hinkle, a 55-year-old retired media technician, was hard-pressed to afford housing in Olympia, Wash., while her husband, David Stein, worked abroad as a photographer in Amsterdam. Hinkle's son, Dustin Hinkle-Anderson, 28, a chef, was also facing high housing costs for himself, girlfriend Courtney Norman, and their two daughters, Adaline, 2, and Haeden Norman-Hinkle, an infant.
The extended family of five moved into a house that Hinkle had previously rented to college students last year. The mortgage is $850 a month plus $200 for taxes and insurance. Dustin and Courtney pay $700 and Allegra the balance, which is less than they would have to pay for separate accommodations. When Hinkle, who is currently in Amsterdam, leaves the house for a time to see her husband abroad, Dustin and Courtney pay $800, and Allegra kicks in the rest to hold her spot.
"We will probably see more of parents moving in with their children to combine households to cut down costs," says Susan Newman, a social psychologist and author of Nobody's Baby Now: Reinventing Your Adult Relationship With Your Mother and Father. "If you have a positive relationship with your parents and your spouse and children get along with your parents, economically it seems like it would make good sense."
Live-in grandparents sometimes share caring for the little ones, which slashes day-care costs. "When you have highly stressed parents raising kids, there is a sort of win-win situation when you have a parent that you are close to helping with child care or housing costs," Coontz says. When she is in Olympia, Hinkle spends her mornings caring for granddaughter Adaline. "I get her up and feed her, and then . . . [her mother] Courtney takes over—no day care needed." Of course, there's also the potential for squabbles over parenting strategies. "Be very respectful of your child's parenting style, even if it differs radically from yours," cautions Joshua Coleman, a psychologist and author of When Parents Hurt: Compassionate Strategies When You and Your Grown Child Don't Get Along. "Unless advice is requested, try to not intervene."
Caregiving responsibilities often evolve over time. Carolyn Nutt, 64, a retired special-education preschool teacher, has lived with her mother, now 93, for the past 18 years and her mother-in-law, 85, for three years, along with her husband and her son, 24. The family shares a 3,500-square-foot home in North Tustin, Calif. When son Daniel was a child, Nutt's mother, Augusta Morse, helped out with child care. But now that she has broken both hips, Morse is receiving care from her daughter. "If we needed to go away for a weekend or just to get away for a couple of days, she was always ready to baby-sit for us," Nutt says. "The least we can do is give it back to her."
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Reader Comments
The "Multigenerational Advantage"
Good article. Thank you.
We happen to live in an area where some have very negative perceptions of families in which more than "Mom-Dad-kid or two" live in the same house – often in very large homes (much more space and cost than needed—tho “it’s a free country”). The reason for this excessive concern is that our town does have a relatively high percentage of immigrants from all over the world. This is a characteristic of the metro-DC area. The vast majority of these people are not impoverished or illiterate and do not work as day laborers. I’m providing a tiny bit of “profile info” because our town has also gone way overboard in targeting certain ethnicities and extended families.
Warehousing of workers obviously should not be allowed. But there is nothing wrong with an extended family that minds its own business and maintains the residence. The cultures of many nations welcome or at least expect extended families. The U.S. IS moving toward respect for extended families, due to both economic realities and to some smaller extent the influc of immigrants from nations that value families beyond the nuclear family.
IMHO, our “bigger is better” consumer culture has caused major warps in our sense of family and humanity. There are significant benefits to extended families – for all parties, and especially the kids. The “tips” on making this work are also well-taken.
But too many folks seem to have “attitudes” about any form of extended family, I spite of the benefits. This is really a shame.
I happen to have been born toward the end of the “Great Depression”. My Mother’s family and another family (the families of a brother and sister) all lived in the same big old house with their several children. Several aunts/uncles/cousins etc were also part of the family from time to time, with elders living out their lives together with younger generations.
We have observed the devolution of family – the isolation of insular families – the children “warehoused” at day care centers etc of necessity – and it has not been good for any of us. Hopefully, economics and new ethnic mixes will restore a sense of the broad positive values families.
Gratefully,at one point my neighbors had a good sense of family when my kids were young and I had escaped a devastating marriage. It does “take a village” to raise a child – and I have always felt blessed to have caring folks for neighbors.
That “village” is excellent, but extended families should be a normal and necessary part of our lives whenever work and other situations permit folks to share.
REGARDING “LIVING LIKE ROYALTY” – as someone referred to Marian Robinson’s new life following daughter and son to D.C..
In some ways, it may seem great, but that is not necessarily an entirely positive part of her new life. She will be here because of the children and the value of extended family.
HOWEVER, people often prefer to do for themselves, and people of any age and circumstance would generally prefer to
housing for 2 generations/elderly parents or adult children
I have a house with 2 very private living areas-full living both levels,all brick really nice house. When i was looking, we could not find such a house so we bought this and my dad put in a full kitchen in nice beautiful basement. Now, my parents would like to move back to SC. I know there must be someone looking for this living arrangement.Does anyone know of a source,network allowing us to let others know of this house being available?Thanks We are in Georgia, btw.
Baby Boomers Moving in With Adult Children
I work as a sales manager for a custom home builder in Charlotte, NC, Julie LaTerra Homes, and we see so many boomers who are in the process of building their new home to accomodate aging parents and adult children who may move home as well. They want to make sure that these homes can accomodate the needs and desires of all the families that will reside under one roof. We are sure that part of this is due to economy as well as the desire to care for their elderly parents to avoid nursing care.
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