Secrets of Schmoozing (or Subtle Sucking Up)
Back in my high school days, I hated the girls who flirted easily and as a result garnered a steady stream of cute boyfriends and prom dates—the spoils of our teen years. When I entered the corporate world, I felt a similar resentment toward their adult counterparts, the office schmoozers.
You may know the type, those people who spend more time in the boss's office chatting him up than in their own cubicle working, and who circulate at office parties as though hobnobbing were an Olympic sport. In particular, I marveled incredulously at their ability to get the best assignments and quick promotions. Didn't my bosses know butt-kissing when they saw it?
Executive coach Marshall Goldsmith tells me that I'm just one more otherwise capable professional who thinks she shouldn't have to deal with office politics and is convinced she isn't good at schmoozing. This is true. He also tells me I need to get over myself. "We respond well to people who like us," he says. "Most of us don't object to sucking up—we just object to people who are bad at it."
Hmmm. He might just be right.
Conversations with Goldsmith and John Eldred, who teaches a course in organizational dynamics (in other words, office politics) at the University of Pennsylvania, have convinced me that politicking is inevitable in situations where people want to do well for themselves by doing well for the group, which is pretty much what we do at work. And it seems that schmoozing is as essential to office politics as flirting is to high school romance.
Here's a fast summary of everything you need to know about schmoozing to be good at it and still respect (maybe even admire) yourself at the end the workday.
Power is good: "People engage in politics to see how much power they have. And everyone wants more power," Eldred says.
Why not? With power comes influence and the ability to get projects approved, hold sway with your ideas, rally other people around you, and get things done. People who can do those things get the plum assignments, raises, bonuses, job offers, and other good stuff. (For more on raises, click here.)
So is winning over powerful people: If you aren't the person with power, the next best thing is having that person on your side.
You need to be able to get that person to see your point of view and agree with your ideas, Goldsmith says. They're more likely to let themselves be influenced by you if they get along with you, think well of you, and believe that you share their point of view on things important to them. (For more on favoritism, click here.)
Schmoozing garners influence: "We like people who like us," says Goldsmith, "and we respond positively to people who admire us." So think about schmoozing as liking and admiring important people more actively than you have in the past.
If you aren't up for a full round of glad-handing at the next cocktail party (or you don't have cocktail parties), start smaller: Make an effort to get past polite small talk when you're one-on-one with these folks in the elevator, at the water cooler, or walking down the hallway. Convey a common interest, compliment an idea of theirs that you like, or tout a project you're working on that you know they're interested in.
"The real conversation is that one that happens in the hallway, not the three-hour meeting," Eldred says.
Schmoozers are never negative: Being the person who holds back complaints about the tough projects and tries to see management's point of view on unpopular decisions can turn you into the office morale-booster, or at least make you seem very loyal.
People notice what you don't say as well as what you do. So at the very least, "don't make snide comments about the company, and if you think the boss is a jerk, keep it to yourself," Goldsmith says.
Good schmoozers are sincere: If the admiration you offer to your bosses isn't somewhat grounded in truth and your self-touting isn't backed up by good work, people will see through you sooner or later.
You'll be branded as a phony—which is probably worse than being branded a brown-noser—and your credibility will sink like a stone. "Blatant sucking up is embarrassing and condescending to the other person," Goldsmith says. "Subtle suck-ups do much better."
Reader Comments
Schmoozing?
It's no wonder there's such incompetence in management...they'd rather promote someone on their abilty to kiss butt than do their job well. How pathetic these people are that all they know how to do is suck up...what ever happened to knowing your job and doing it to the best of your ability? So while these pinheads are busy kissing up, the most qualified people are doing their work for them. I get along fine with my boss and he knows that I do an excellent job and don't need to schmooze him to get ahead. It's a terrific feeling to do my work assignments well and get an atta-boy from the boss, a feeling that these schmoozers will never know. Someday, they'll get their just reward...
schmoozing
I totally agree with the author. I used to work hard complete my assignments and go home. After a while I realized that I was just a worker with no relationship with the management. Talking about your achievements is telling your manager in a subtle that he/she can rely on you for future tasks assignments assigned to you. It is comforting your manager who is facing the music from clients or higher management. People who don't have sincerity in their hearts and try pleasing the management is such a turn off, just like telling a pretty girl how beautiful she is hoping she will like your praise and say "ok let's go for a date!"
Shmoozing
The article whie it is entitled "schmoozing " is not reall schmoozing or sucking up it is called relationships and getting to know the people you worked with. Life is about relationshps in the end. If you are being honest and sincere about the compliments you give then it is not sucking up.
Rules of the English Language
Regarding the article referring to the boss as "him," it is a rule of the English language that the male pronoun is used when referring to a person of unknown gender.
This is sexist, but it is correct grammar.
Schmoozing
The article is very interesting and unfortunately true. However, one comment here caught my attention more than the article, wherein one reader says its relationships. I personally would not have problem with people developing interpersonal relationships, but then again, unfortunately for some of us, it is usually the person having the least "work" skills (technical or otherwise), end up doing "interpersonal relationship" the best and ending up in top positions. And then it becomes a nightmare for the team or the person’s subordinates. There is nothing worse in a work environment to have a completely incompetent boss who is a charmer. These kinds of bosses would take your work, and present it in a light as if it was of their own. What a big shame.
The definition of Butt Kissing and Political Correctness
1st - Dennis the Menace
"I get along fine with my boss and he knows that I do an excellent job and don't need to schmooze him to get ahead."
I must say that this sounds like the definition of a butt kisser to me!
2nd - DK of NY & JD of XX
Even if the writer had called the boss Her instead of Him.......... Who cares! This is a prime example of how political correctness has gone beyond absurdity.
Just the facts Mamm, just the facts...
This is all bunk...I told my wife that too, just after I asked what was for dinner sweetheart, cutiepie, babydoll!
;-)
schmoozing
in my country we call it ''eye service''. i never liked it and missed a lot because i did not practice it. In the real world, merit seems to have only about 20% of attention. Those the boss likes, he promotes and ''raises'' and my observation has shown that more than 80% of these ''benefactors'' are schmoozers. As much as i hate it, i have two options; if you can't beat them, join them. What a shame?
Smoozers
Now entering the twilight of my years it is only very lately that I learned how important smoozing is and started to apply that skill. I wish that I had learned the importance of it all thiry-five years ago when I was entering the business world of getting ahead and getting along with others.
Schmoozing
Several of you mention that only the weak or less qualified individuals are "schmoozers" but when working in an organization where your peers have similar credentials and are all 'eyeing' the corner office or promotion you do whatever it takes (within reason) to reach that goal.
Sure, once I get into my 40's I'll switch over to a 'coasting' mode and will focus more of my attention on my family. But for now, my goal is to grow my career as quickly as I grow my retirement account.
Add your thoughts
Your comment will be posted immediately, unless it is spam or contains profanity. For more information, please see our comment guidelines.advertisement
Schmoozing
It is still lying.
Apr 28, 2008 08:05:16 AM [permalink] [report comment]